


The Butterfly Effect

by gemini28



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Gen, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Unhealthy Relationships, normal amounts of violence for taz
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-09-27 22:40:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 40,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10054865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gemini28/pseuds/gemini28
Summary: A single change can lead to a snowballing of unexpected consequences, and even the simplest of choices from one person can make things much more complicated.An au in which Sazed decides not to leave after Glamour Springs





	1. Pre Campaign

**Author's Note:**

> This au brought to you by: giving Sazed just two more points to his conscience modifier and my need to just fucking wreck him. 
> 
> Sazed makes a choice. Taako just like, completely misreads the intentions of a situation.

The woods feel strange, tonight. The crickets have gone silent, most of the animals that one might usually hear running around can’t be heard, and there isn’t even enough wind to kick up the rustling of leaves. But even beyond the eerie silence, there’s a...dark cloud over the double wagons. Neither of the occupants have spoken to each other since earlier that evening, when they’d first run off from the now smaller town of Glamour Springs.

Sazed has been thinking about a few things since the moment Taako came scrambling into the wagon yelling about poisoning the food and the audience getting sick. One of the more aggressive thoughts is the fact that he really, really should have thought better of what food to put the arsenic in. He doesn’t know what compelled him to put it in the chicken instead of one of Taako’s many, many coffees. His thought process hadn’t been the clearest, when he was debating whether or not to actually go through with his plan. In the end, he had poured the arsenic into the mixing bowl Taako had been prepping things in.

And, apparently, that had lead to tonight being the only night that Taako didn’t taste test the food he makes before serving it.

Sazed doesn’t really  _ do  _ guilt. His life hasn’t exactly what you might call sunny, and if he felt guilty for every crime he’d ever committed then he never would have gotten anywhere at all. But this is...a different level of mistake entirely. Killing all those people had not been even remotely his intention, he’d only hoped to fuck Taako over enough to have an excuse to take over the show. There wasn’t enough antidote in the entire apothecary to fix forty people, even if there had been some way of handing it out and not getting caught.

But luck’s apparently been with him, because instead of taking the smart route and immediately suspecting the guy who’s been mad at him for the last couple of months, Taako is blaming himself. Through his panicked babbling as they hightailed it out of the town, it became obvious that Taako thinks he transmuted deadly nightshade berries instead of the intended garnish.

Now, Sazed knows Taako’s dumb as hell, but he isn’t  _ dumb.  _ He knows it’s only a matter of time until the elf realizes that most people don’t eat garnishes, it doesn’t make sense that the entire audience would have been poisoned. Eventually Taako’s going to put two and two together, and Sazed is not going to stick around for the ensuing blowup. 

That’s why he’s got a bag stuffed fit to bursting with necessary things, and why he’s creeping out of the second wagon with hopes of a particularly high stealth check. Taako’s been jumpy since they left town and he’s sure that the elf will be able to hear him if he isn’t careful. Sazed doesn’t want to answer any awkward questions or have a fight right now, since it’d just make it harder to leave.

In order to get to the main road, he’s going to have to go past the larger wagon. He’s going to have to check and make sure that Taako’s meditating or otherwise distracted before he tries anything, though. Luck’s been with him so far tonight, so maybe things will keep going smoothly.

He walks over the window that’s closest to his eye level and peeks in, trying to keep himself hidden behind the half open curtains. He looks over the inside of the wagon- the low lights that don’t hinder him at all, the cookbooks Taako had tossed around earlier in trying to figure out what he’d done wrong, various pieces of merchandise that were useless now, a really impressive pile of hair-

Sazed blinks. Leans in closer, frowns. The pile of hair doesn’t turn into fabric or whatever other detritus Taako’s thrown into a pile this time. And from his closer position at the window he can see Taako now, back turned away from him and with choppy hair that looks out of place on the elf. Sazed doesn’t think he’s ever seen him with hair falling shorter than around his ears, but now his soft golden curls are all gone and just short of being a buzzcut. He’s staring very intently into the small hand mirror hanging on the wall, and even from how far away he is Sazed can see the hand holding the scissors is shaking.

So. He has two choices, here.

The smart choice would be to leave. Taako is distracted and probably won’t be pulling himself from that mirror for a long while. Sazed could be long gone before Taako even thought about looking for him and it would be easy, so easy. Compared to Taako no one knows who Sazed is, he could be back on his feet in no time flat. Maybe not at the level of a semi-successful cooking show, but restaurants always need more employees who can lift an entire keg over their heads like it’s nothing.

But the other choice, the one that’s keeping him tethered to this spot in front of the window and watching as Taako tries in vain to even out his new haircut, is a much worse idea. He could...stay. The likelihood of Taako every finding out is pretty slim without having access to the death certificates of all those in Glamour Springs. Not to mention that Taako seems to be more than willing to take the full brunt of the guilt for all of this. Of course, a tiefling and an elf travelling together will bring more attention than either of them travelling alone, and then there’s the fact that Taako might figure it out, not to mention that if he stays he’s putting himself in a place where the future isn’t looking too bright…

Sazed says he doesn’t do guilt, but he can’t think of another excuse for why he drops his pack off to the side of the wagon and walks up to the door. Just like back at the prep station, he doesn’t let himself think on what he’s doing long enough to stop himself. He opens the door without knocking and grimaces a little at Taako’s undignified squawk of surprise. This is stupid.  _ He’s  _ stupid for this. He can probably still salvage it by telling Taako he’s leaving.

But when he opens his mouth, instead of anything remotely like that coming out he says instead “It looks like you got hit in the head with a hedge trimmer.”

Whoof. Smooth, really smooth.

He winces, fully expecting to be smacked by a mage hand, but instead Taako gives a startled, watery little laugh. It’s so unlike Taako, who is someone that laughs long and hard until he’s gasping for breath. The guilt prickles at the back of Sazed’s mind again but he ignores it this time.

“I’m totally blaming the mirror on this one, dude. I don’t think it was designed for elves with stupidly huge ears in mind. Not sure the craft scissors did me any favors either!” Taako laughs again, and goes to tuck hair that isn’t there behind his ears. His hand falters and playing it off doesn’t quite work. “Asymmetrical haircuts are not in, let me tell you. I cannot believe I’m going to be the only elf on this gods be damned continent with the fashion sense of a rock-” He keeps going and Sazed tunes him out as he sits behind him. He picks up the scissors (which are perfectly sharp, thank you very much) and places a hand on Taako’s shoulder.

“Hey,” he says, which is enough to make him shut up for a moment. “I’m going to even you out. Hold still.” Taako swears something in Elvish but does as he asks and doesn’t move his head much. The rest of him fidgets, bitten nails tapping at the wood floor, ears moving down far enough that they’re nearly pointing directly at the floor, and a dozen other small movements that betray his anxiety despite the brave face he’s put on.

For a real moment, Sazed considers slicing Taako’s throat with the scissors. It would be easy- neither of them are healers, and a throat wound is more immediately deadly than most others. If he held him still, Sazed wouldn’t even have to worry about much blood.

The hand holding the scissors drifts, before the moment passes and he moves back up to the wisps of Taako’s hair still uncut. It’s kind of depressing to see it fall down around his shoulders, since he had genuinely loved his hair, but Sazed understands. People will be looking for an elf with long, ostentatious hair and not something modestly cut. If Sazed’s hair wasn’t already cropped close he’d probably have followed the same route.

They sit like that for a bit, until there’s sudden mumbling from Taako, too quiet for him to pick out the words. Sazed clips off another bunch of stray curls and waits for Taako to speak up, but he doesn’t and curiosity gets the better of him.

“What was that?” He asks, not really expecting a response. Taako mutters under his breath all the time, and it’s not unusual for it to be him just babbling in increasingly convoluted ways. So, he’s surprised when Taako turns around and fixes him with an almost angry look. It’s sudden enough that he nearly clips his damn ear off. “Christ Taako-”

“Why the hell haven’t you run off yet?” Taako says in a tone of voice that really, really wants to come off as angry but can’t quite make it. Sazed just about feels his heart stop. There’s no way Taako would have seen him skulking around with his bag, not when he was so distracted with his hair. Before he can even form a confused response, though, Taako continues. “I mean- Shit, I killed  _ forty people _ , Sazed! Usually killing one person is enough to send anyone sane running for the hills! So like, the only reason I can think of for you staying here and even helping me out is because you’re like two steps away from rattin’ me out to the popo! Which is totally expected and like, props to you my man, but at least be  _ honest  _ about it!”

Sazed stares at Taako, who’s breathing hard now. Usually when he’d get emotional like this, his hair would be falling in his face and making Sazed feel a little flustered. But now, without anything framing his expression he’s far too open and intense to be comfortable.

“I am…” Sazed pinches the edge of his nose and takes a deep breath. “I’m not going to turn you in, Taako. That would be incredibly dumb of me. I mean, not just because it was a...mistake,” that’s one word for it “and not just because it’d get me arrested, too.” Taako snorts and makes another movement that’s clearly him forgetting his hair is short again. “Look, whatever actually happened out there, it’d be shitty of me to just run off in the dead of night, right? I mean...we’ve been through a lot. I should at least get us to the next town before making any big decisions.”

Taako doesn’t look convinced or all that placated, but instead of arguing he sweeps the rest of the hair off his shoulders and onto the pile. Then, as if he himself isn’t totally sure what he’s doing, he curls up and lays his head on Sazed’s knee.

Taako is- Well, he’s basically a cat shaped like an elf. He isn’t a big fan of touching unless it’s on his terms, and then it’s usually all or nothing. This sort of barely there touching that could almost be called hesitant is so unlike Taako that Sazed doesn’t think to move. He’s a little afraid to break the spell, to remind Taako that he has an entire rest of the floor to lay on.

He pretty much immediately regrets that once he realizes that instead of just using him as a comfortable spot to rest Taako has decided to fall into meditation. And Sazed knows for a goddamn fact that the elf has to put some real effort into meditating, so it’s not like accidentally falling asleep.

...He doesn’t move him, though. He leans back against the wall and stares at the colored lights Taako’s hung on the ceiling. Usually they can be pretty calming, but with the mess his mind is in right now even a sleep spell wouldn’t help. He keeps trying to focus on  _ why  _ he’s stayed, but all he can come up with is that it was the right thing to do, which makes no goddamn sense considering he was all for murdering earlier that day.

Maybe if he’s lucky, his mind will clear up after they get far enough from the scene of the crime, and he’ll have a better answer for himself than a shrug.


	2. The Inn-cident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sazed is just really rude. Taako has some issues with his magic. Some not too familiar faces appear. 
> 
> If you haven't listened to the prequel episode, well, this is basically that but less hilarious.

As it turns out, trying to avoid getting arrested by the militia does not make for a great atmosphere to think in. Sazed has plenty of time to himself because he’s the only one who knows how to drive the wagon, but that has only set him up to be a lookout. Taako is no help at all, and in fact Sazed would say he’s more of a hindrance than anything with his constant attempts at spells in the back. He’s already turned half the books into jello and it’s been  _ really  _ distracting. 

Still, it’s relatively easy to ignore his constant swearing, up until the point where the oxen turn into dirt and immediately collapse. 

There’s a moment of stunned silence as the wagon slows to a halt, pretty much guaranteeing that the oxen are not going to be coming back from having wheel tracks ground into them. 

“Taako, what the fuck-” Sazed leans out of the wagon, not quite willing to believe that Taako just turned what is literally their only form of transportation into  _ dirt.  _ But no, that’s definitely two large piles of soil there on the ground, with some deep wheel tracks running through them. “Taako, what the  _ fuck. _ Tell me you meant to do that and that wasn’t a transmutation spell, please.” 

“Sorry! Uh, I, uh,” He says, and then scrambles to the front of the wagon and stares. “Dammit. Shit. Okay, I can- Okay, no I absolutely cannot fix this. Totally my bad, I am taking full responsibility for this.” 

“This is- Oh, my god.” Sazed rubs at his temples and feels a headache starting to form just behind his horns. “What were you even trying to do? Because I know you wouldn’t wreck our only non-walking mode of transportation on purpose.”

“Okay, one:” Taako flips Sazed off. “And two, I was just practicing! I guess I must have rolled a critical miss, though. Pretty damn cool that I hit two targets when the spell wasn’t even for living beings, huh?” 

Sazed tries to look behind Taako, who does his best to block his view, but isn’t fast enough to stop him from seeing the messy plates and dishes in the back. Messy not just because of cooking, but because half the food and plates have been turned into varying substances. It’s probably sheer luck that nothing’s alive and screaming. 

“...Just. Hand me the map without turning it into something useless, alright? We might be close enough to a town that we aren’t totally boned.” He holds out his hand and is relieved when what touches it is actually paper. You can prep yourself to touch something gross all you want, but when it actually comes time to do it even the strongest of men shudder. 

He spreads the map out in front of him and frowns. They hadn’t been planning to go anywhere specific, just somewhere they could lay low for a bit and not be found too suspicious. But now, they just need to find a place they can walk to before their food supplies run out. And considering what Taako’s been doing with the food today, they may have less than they should. 

It looks like the closest city is… Neverwinter. Shit. That’s really not the small town he was hoping for, but it’s only half a day’s walk. That, and the fact that it probably has a seedier part of town, makes it an okay place to hide for a bit. And if he  _ really  _ wanted to, he could ditch Taako. 

“Alright, pack up the things you’ll need. We’re going to Neverwinter.” Sazed says, and snaps the map shut. 

“What?! In this heat?” Taako sounds offended by the very thought. “Sazed, babe. I totally get that that’s like, important to our very survival, but have you considered my delicate constitution?” He lays forward and wraps his arms around Sazed’s shoulders. It’s a tactic that he’s used countless times before to varying amounts of sucess, but Sazed isn’t super interested in giving him his way right now. 

“If you can show me that we have enough food that won’t immediately kill us and will last us to a further town, I’ll agree.” 

He feels Taako tense up immediately and then slip off of him. That has to be a record for fastest time of getting Taako to stop hanging all over him. Probably won’t work in the future, but for right now it makes him feel almost smug. 

“Uuugh fine. Let’s go, I guess.” Taako disappears back into the wagon and Sazed reaches under his seat to pull out the bag of supplies he’d had readied before. He hops off the wagon and gives it sort of a morose look. There’s no way they’re going to be able to take all the things inside with them, especially not in the baking summer sun. Truth be told, this is probably the best thing to happen since a bright purple wagon is more than a little obvious, but that doesn’t mean he has to be happy about this turn of events. At least there’s some stuff they can pawn off in Neverwinter before they figure out where to go from there. 

Taako appears from around the back of the wagon, and Sazed is a little surprised by his appearance. His regular bright clothing is gone and is  replaced by a plain loose fitting shirt cinched tightly with a leather belt, actual pants that don’t sparkle in any way, and a hat that, if you’d threatened Sazed with death, he would have sworn Taako had thrown out. 

“...Should I even ask?” He says, and isn’t super surprised when Taako brushes past him instead of answering immediately. Probably still pissed about the food comment. 

“Well, duh, Sazed, obviously if I don’t dress like Taako I won’t be seen as Taako!” He says, in his very distinctive voice. “And hey, I’ve even got an idea for you, hun!” 

He goes through his bag for a moment before pulling out an old red bandana and darting behind Sazed and tying it around just above his forehead before he can even complain. 

“There! Now when people see you at certain angles they’ll only see a hot dude instead of a hot tiefling!” Taako grins and looks smug enough over this plan that Sazed can’t  _ quite  _ bring himself to point out the major flaw ie: his tail. 

“...Yeah, alright. Let’s get going while there’s still light.”

\-----------------------------------------

They make it to Neverwinter in pretty good time, even after Taako nearly collapses in an actually not-fake way and Sazed has to give him a piggy back ride the rest of the way. He almost didn’t believe that Taako wasn’t just trying to get out of walking, but after the elf actually had to take a long rest just from walking, it became kind of obvious that he wasn’t faking as much as normal. That, and a quick tally of how much he’d seen him eating since Glamour Springs (not at all) made it pretty clear. 

But now they’re here and they’ve ducked into the first tavern they could find, a small one called the Lonely Hearts Cantina. It’s pretty shitty, honestly, and Sazed isn’t wild about ending up in a place where there are “couples” tables, but the bartender doesn’t ask any questions and there’s barely anyone else around. Just a small group of people talking amongst themselves, a burly dude in the corner carving something out of a duck, and a dwarf who is trying  _ very  _ hard to talk about Pan to people. Not exactly the most intimidating group of people. 

A bit of gold has gotten them some drinks and food, and Sazed is looking forward to actually eating when his food turns into a fun little statue of it made entirely out of marble. 

“Dammit!” Taako says, and drums his fingers on the table angrily. 

Sazed puts his head in his hands, and tries to slowly count to ten. He has no idea what the hell Taako’s deal with the transmutation spells is right now, but he would love it if it just...stopped. 

“I swear to god Taako, if this is to get me back for something-” He looks up and stops, because Taako’s food has changed to wood. “Alright, never mind. What are you even trying to do? This was perfectly good food, you know.” 

“I’m not trying to do shit. It’s just not working!” He says, and waves his hand in a dismissive gesture only for the table they’re sitting at to promptly turn into beef. There’s a long silence before Sazed breaks it by breaking into slightly-hysterical laughter. He doesn’t even care that Taako starts slapping his arm furiously, because holy shit. He didn’t even think Taako knew that spell? He doesn’t think he does?? None of this makes sense and maybe it’s just because he’s tired and hungry, but this is suddenly the funniest fucking thing. 

“Uh, sirs?” Friendly the bartender is standing in front of the table, wringing a cloth in his hands. “I, uh, really have to insist you stop changing everything in my bar into things that aren’t meant to be here. We paid a lot of money for that table, and beef tables go for a pretty niche amount of people that we simply do not cater to.” 

“Shit. Right, right! I can fix it, don’t worry!” Taako’s voice goes up a few octaves even as he keeps his head down. Sazed seriously doubts that some rando in the slums of Neverwinter is going to recognize a TV star, but he’s not going to complain about Taako being careful for once. Taako pulls out his well-worn book of elven tips and tricks and starts swearing under his breath. 

Sazed leans back in his for now untransmuted seat and surveys the rest of the bar again. It seems that in the time between him first seeing everyone and Taako fucking up, that gnome guy who often put up a job list had come in, and the trio at the table had immediately grabbed up the entire list. And now the big human is arguing with them about it, making broad gestures and a few pretty creative hand motions. 

Then he slams his hand on the table and everyone in the bar jumps, to varying degrees of obviousness. The human wants to see the poster, and the trio is super not into that. It’s kind of like an evening soap to watch, except there’s a very real chance of a fight breaking out. He keeps an eye on the two humans’ hands, just in case weapons are drawn. 

“The hell are they even doing,” Taako says suddenly. “There can’t be anything that impressive on that damn poster to be such pains in the ass, right?” 

“Dunno. Didn’t get a chance to look at it.” Sazed shifts and watches as the dwarf tries, with just an amazing lack of success, to insert himself into the conversation. “Pretty hilarious though, I am not gonna lie.”

“Yeah, I fuckin’ guess-” 

He’s cut off by the larger human pointing at him and with big eyes saying:

“Holy shit, you’re Taako!” He says, and Taako’s ears immediately press back against his head. Well. So much for the hat being particularly good at hiding his features. Sazed just hopes that they can leave before things get particularly awkward- Nope, never mind, Taako’s standing up. God dammit. 

“Yes, yes, it’s me. Taako.” He flips the edge of his hat up so his face is better shown. “Well known TV personality, you probably all know about the poison Organo incident! No need to have any introductions I bet.” 

“Oh shit yeah!” The human seems excited, now, and actually claps his hands a little. “I’ve been at one of your shows- Raven’s Roost? You, uh, made something really cool, what was it…” 

“Oh yes, Raven’s Roost! Quite the crowds, loved that sweet sweet Shepard’s Pie. Very rustic.” Taako winks and waltzes over to the little group. Sazed is stubborn, though, and refuses to leave this ridiculous meat table to get dragged into this shit. There’s no job that can be good enough to get involved. 

The next few minutes are, quite honestly, ridiculous. The big dude snaps a table in half during an arm wrestling match and then immediately fixes it. The dwarf tries to knock over a cup with his god’s help, but Sazed sees Taako’s mage hand slap it away instead. And Taako, god help him, somehow manages to win the most depressing riddle contest he’s ever heard in his entire life. Because the bartender has apparently gone slightly off the deep end at watching the human do horrifying things to the table, Sazed has managed to steal a pint without having to deal with “paying”. 

Taako walks over and grabs Sazed by the arm, doing his very best to use some strength and move him. It does not work at all. 

“Do you want something?” He says, raising his eyebrow when Taako gives up and just holds onto his arm like he meant to the whole time. 

“Yeah! Didn’t you hear, we won!” 

“Well, I heard a lot of shit in the past ten minutes, but I can’t really say that winning was one of those things. Won what?” 

“Uhhh, duh, that poster that those jerks were holding onto. And oh my god, you have to come see it, it’s got some real promise!” Taako’s eyes are shining in a way they haven’t for the last little while. Intrigued, Sazed stands up and lets himself be led over to the table with the human (Magnus, apparently) and the dwarf (Merle, evidently), who are studying the poster. 

Sazed stands next to Taako and leans over. The poster has several bits of paper on the bottom, all with a place and time scribbled on them with stern writing. The poster claims that the offered job is “The last job you’ll ever need to take”, it calls for a trio of people, and it’s written by someone named Gundran Rockseeker. 

Pretty much immediately Sazed’s bullshit alarms are going off. Anything claiming to be the last of anything is highly suspect unless it’s talking about coffins. 

“I dunno boys, it sounds like a pretty fun time!” Taako leans his chin up against his hand and grins up at the other two men. “And like I said, all you gotta do is feed me and I’m totally your adventure dude.” At a look from Sazed, he rolls his eyes. “Okay, me and my cohort here. We’re kiiind of a package deal, wink wink.” 

Sazed tries his best to look more intimidating than embarrassed. 

“Well, the poster is only calling for a trio…” Magnus says, his brow furrowing. 

“Oh, but that’s my cousin!” Merle says, grinning broadly. “I’m sure I can give him a little nudge and he’ll be fine with adding another party member! You got any impressive skills, my man?” 

“I...have a sword, magic, and a pretty high constitution stat.” Sazed says, a little uncertainly. He didn’t expect to have to sell himself so suddenly. “Also, Tiefling. Fire resistance, there.” 

“Well hey, we can probably use that!” Merle says, and rolls up the poster in a decisive manner. “Alright buddy, you’re in! What’s your name?” 

“Uh.” Shit. He hadn’t meant to get wrapped up in this. At least, not without knowing more about what’s going on. But there’s no real way to back out of this easily. “Sazed.” 

“Any last name?” Magnus asks, grinning. He’s a bit overwhelming to deal with, honestly. 

“Not for you, buddy.” He honestly expects some fighting or even a mean glare, but instead Magnus just laughs. 

“Yeah, hey, that’s fair!” He claps Sazed on the shoulder and he’s glad he’s a heavier person because that on its own would probably knock him over. 

He’s still rubbing his shoulder while Magnus and Merle walk out of the cantina, and stops Taako from following them immediately. 

“Hey. This is suspicious as hell. Do you really wanna do this?” He asks. “The big guy literally drove Friendly insane over carpentry. And I’m pretty sure the dwarf is a sham.”

“I mean I hear what you’re saying but all I’m gettin’ from it is all the reasons why we should hang with them until it’s time to split.” Taako grins, and there’s a slightly manic edge to his excitement. Sazed is definitely used to this emotion, having had to forcefully pry Taako away from his fifth night without meditation because he was too busy trying to cook perfectly. 

“That’s a shitty idea. We could get jobs that aren’t thinly veiled death threats, you know. At no cost to us.” 

“ _ Could  _ we?” Taako says, and there’s something about his voice that makes Sazed shift uncomfortably. It’s the same tone he uses whenever he talks about recipes or is honest for one minute out of his entire life. Sazed has only heard it once or twice, but that’s plenty of time to know it.

“Yeah, I mean, maybe.” He sighs and starts walking towards the door, gesturing for Taako to follow. “Whatever. If worst comes to worst we can just steal their horses, right?” 

“Hell yeah! Well, one horse because you know those hell beasts fucking hate me. But absolutely.” He grins and hurries outside, with Sazed following suit a bit more warily. This offer is the sketchiest thing he’s heard in a long time, but if this works out then maybe he won’t have to worry about anything again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only thing I'll apologize for is that title


	3. Phandalin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sazed is distracted by something. Taako continues to not have a great day. Phandalin arguably has the worst day.

“So, how’s that fire resistance been treating you, homeboy?” Taako says in the tone of someone who knows  _ exactly  _ what the answer to his question is.

The four of them are sitting at the bottom of the well in Phandalin, listening to the roar of fire above them as Gundran Rockseeker gets real fucked up. It’s sweltering at the bottom of the well even though they’re at least a couple of yards down in the earth. Killian, the strange orc woman they’d met in the cave, is unconscious underneath them. All of them are slightly fire damaged, with some of Merle’s clothes being burnt completely to shit, Taako’s outfit singed, and Sazed having some serious burns. 

Things hadn’t gone too horribly, at first. It hadn’t even started to go downhill when Bluejeans and Rockseeker were kidnapped, because that is sometimes pretty standard fare for people who were high up there in power. In Sazed’s humble opinion, the moment it all went to shit was around the time Killian spoke in static and brought that machine to life. Any halfway logical party would have left their employers to their fate, but Sazed had been outvoted three to one. 

Even that weirdness wouldn’t have been so bad, if it wasn’t for that damn gauntlet. 

Sazed knows he has a bad rage streak in him, even discounting the Glamour Springs incident. So when they’d gone into that vault, perfectly smooth and empty, and that gauntlet had been there, he’d known something was off. He’d stayed near the entrance instead of following the others further in, but his eyes kept being drawn to the gauntlet. It felt like it was calling to him, and he knows right now that if Killian hadn’t distracted him and Gundran hadn’t grabbed the gauntlet when he did, Sazed would have been the one on fire. He's not sure that he would want to be stopped, not with that kind of power literally at his fingertips. 

He ignores Taako’s question and stares up at the opening of the well as the fire above starts to die down and then stop altogether. The choking heat remains, but it seems like the actual danger of being burned alive is more or less over. 

“...So how do we get out of here.” Magnus says. It’s so sudden and such a casual breaking of the silence that there’s incredulous laughter bubbling up from the other three. 

“I think we just live at the bottom of this well, now.” Taako says, which leads to even more laughter. The tenseness doesn’t quite melt out of the air, but they’re not stuck as horrified statues as they were a moment ago. 

“I think,” Sazed says. “That Magnus needs to climb up there and send down a rope.” 

“What! Why me?” Magnus looks almost offended, but he’s one hundred percent already moving towards the uneven wall. “Jeeze, you guys had better fix up your strength stats, I can’t carry this team all the time.” 

“Dude, you  _ literally  _ picked me up earlier. Get your fine ass up there.” Taako makes a shooing motion and Magnus grumbles something incoherent before hauling himself up the well. 

“Bring the orc lady up with you when you guys come up, okay!” He calls down at them from halfway up. 

“What! She tried to kill us! Leave her in the well!” Merle doesn’t so much shout back as he grouses to himself, but Magnus rolling his eyes is visible from here. 

“ _ Everyone  _ has been trying to kill us. But she might actually have some answers for us.” Magnus shouts before scrambling over the lip of the well and disappearing from sight. There’s another, wordless, shout from up above, which does not fill Sazed with any sort of confidence in what’s waiting for them up there. 

A rope is thrown down and Taako immediately scampers to it, climbing up with a swiftness he didn’t show at all during any time when it really would have counted. As soon as he’s up far enough, Sazed ties the rope around the middle of the orc woman. He really doesn’t see any other way to get her up without a really ridiculous sequence of events. 

Making it up to the surface again does not make him feel as good as he thought he would, and that’s for a very specific reason: Phandalin is gone, replaced by a black circle of glass. 

“Well...guess we didn’t save Phandalin, huh.” 

“I think that’s sort of an understatement.” Sazed says as he looks around. It wasn’t as obvious in the smaller confines of the vault, but whatever powers were in that gauntlet had intense range. The entire city of Phandalin, which was not small by any means, is gone. The houses, the trees, and anything else that stood in the way of the flames. The only way to know that a town had ever stood here would be to know about it beforehand or look at a map. 

He’s known of powerful evocation before, but nothing on this scale. And certainly nothing that had an actual tangible call coming from it. 

They manage to haul Killian up onto the ground with some effort. She’s still unconscious, which is probably a double edged sword considering how much information they need to know, but also how much she would absolutely kill them if she was awake. Magnus takes her crossbow and starts tying her up, which Sazed appreciates as it is one of the first logical things he’s done this whole time. 

Because he’s distracted with going over when Killian has on her (the feather duster, some gold, the remote that was used to bring machines to life…) he doesn’t notice when Taako drifts away from the group. It’s not like it’s unusual since Taako has a less than stellar attention span and Sazed isn’t his damn baby sitter. It’s not like there’s much to get into here, anyhow, since everything’s just glass- 

“Hey, guys? Yeah, uh, the gauntlet like,  _ really  _ wants me to put it on but I figured I’d check in with you to get a second opinion. So, that’s a really bad idea, right?” Taako’s voice comes from the far right side of the group, and everyone looks over at the same time. He’s standing next to the burnt-out corpse of what can only be Gundran, and he’s looking a bit awkwardly at the still shiny gauntlet. It’s still red at the tips from the sheer heat it’d been giving off only minutes ago, and now that Sazed is aware of it again he has a very visceral need to shove Taako away from it and put it on. 

“I’d say like, on a scale? That’s a super bad idea.” Magnus says, and then turns his attention back to Killian, who is stirring. He levels the crossbow at her and puts on his most intimidating expression. Sazed is pretty glad for the distraction, because it’s like if he can focus on something more important for a bit then he’s able to ignore the gauntlet, barely. 

So, of course, because he makes great choices in life, he stands up and leaves Merle and Magnus to interrogate Killian while he walks over to Taako. Taako is standing further away from the gauntlet than before, but it’s still close enough that it feels like there’s a voice in the back of Sazed’s head. Something telling him that he can take the gauntlet, and just straight up murder all these idiots. He could make up for not being able to kill Taako right, because even this ridiculous asshole can’t avoid a wall of fire. 

He rubs at the base of one of his horns and wonders whether the headache that’s starting to build behind them would be eased if he listened to the gauntlet. 

But as soon as he thinks that, Taako strolls over to it and reaches out with the end of his ridiculous umbrella and hooks the handle around the opening of the gauntlet and chucks it into his bag. And just like that, the thoughts are cut off and he’s left feeling a little woozy and a lot put off. The rest of the group is talking, and he realizes he’d spaced out hard enough to lose track of the conversation entirely. That doesn’t make him feel great, that’s for damn sure. Keeping his head straight is usually the only positive trait he can make for himself. 

“You know, we could use people like you.” Killian is saying, and he has no idea when she got untied. “I think you should come back with me.” 

That sounds like just about the worst idea Sazed has ever heard, ever, but he’s still reeling from the gauntlet and isn’t quick enough to voice his dissent. She pushes a button on her silver bracer and it’s not moments before...something starts descending from out of the sky. It’s a sphere that is falling at an alarming rate right at them. It slows before it becomes a real issue, and settles down on the glass with a quiet  _ plink.  _ Killian opens up the door to reveal five seats and gestures for them to follow her inside. 

Sazed is not having any of this. He had had enough when they had to avoid getting murdered by a god damn giant spider, and his done meter has steadily increased ever since. He doesn’t want any part of this, and is determined not to get dragged into it any further than he’s already allowed himself to be. So when the other three start into the pod, he puts his stealthiness to good use and tries to slip away. 

It probably should have occurred to him, honestly, that when you try to sneak away over a large circle of black glass, it isn’t going to end very well. He makes it about half a foot before someone grabs the back of his shirt and drags him back towards the pod. 

“C’mon, buddy,” Magnus says. “If we have to go into the weird sphere with the intimidating lady, then so do you. All in this together, hand in hand, etcetera.” 

“I’m one hundred percent sure you don’t need me- Okay, okay, don’t you fucking dare pick me up. I’m not Taako!” He slaps a little at Magnus’ hands, which were absolutely creeping into Picking Up territory. He doesn’t know what this dude’s deal is, considering the fact that he acted so grumpy and antisocial back in the cantina. He’s basically a really big, really excitable dog now, and Sazed isn’t like, super into it. 

“Well then come on then!” Magnus is behind Sazed which makes it impossible to just dodge past him and leave, so he has no choice but to enter into the sphere. At least he’s managed to do it without being picked up, and so his dignity is somewhat intact. 

“Cool, you two done fucking around out there? Great, good. Let’s get going.” Killian says, then hits a button in front of her as soon as they’re all strapped in. The ball starts to levitate and lift up, and it a singularly uncomfortable sensation. Flying with magic is one thing, but flying in a self-contained vehicle it a whole hell of a lot weirder. 

The flight is quiet and long. One would think Killian would be giving them the third degree, but she mostly seems content to glare out of the sphere’s window and deflect any and all questions put to her. Sure they made her life a lot harder today, but that’s no real excuse for being rude. 

Finally, the sphere seems to be slowing, but Sazed can’t tell why. The only thing that’s nearby is one of the moons. And then they get closer, and he realizes with a start that no, that’s absolutely not a moon, because they’re maybe a couple miles from it and it’s hanging right there in the sky, as obviously fake as you please. How the hell has he or anyone else never noticed? That seems like something that magic users, at the very least, would notice. 

“Welcome to the moonbase, boys.” Killian says as the sphere moves in for landing in what looks like a hanger. “Hope you’re ready for things to get kinda weird.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, this chapter mostly ended up with me thinking out loud about how the thrall must work sometimes. One day Griffin will give us actual answers and all my writing will be for naught.


	4. Moonlit Nights- Interlude 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No sleep on the moon.

It’s late at night when they all finally enter into the dormitory that they’ve been assigned. They’re not exactly worse for the wear, because there are plenty of healers on base, but considering the sort of day they’ve just had… No one could possibly blame them for being exhausted. 

Sazed could think of at least a dozen days that were better than this off the top of his head, and maybe one or two that were worse. It wasn’t just getting hit in the shoulder by an arrow from a robot, it wasn’t just that he was now apparently a part of a shadowy organization bent on saving the world (something he was still pretty suspicious of). It was everything he’d learned in the Voidfish’s weird little room.

It was one thing to have a secret organization, that was kind of a given with how many ancient gods there were to worship. It was another thing entirely to realize that years and years of your life have just been wiped from your mind, and you never even noticed. 

Now was the only time he’d actually gotten since they’d drank the ichor to really think it over. Merle and Magnus hadn’t even mentioned it since they’d left the Voidfish chamber, and considering that Taako’s first response upon drinking had been to yell about sour cream for some reason… Sazed seriously doubts that he’s going to be getting any comment on what happened with them. 

At least the beds look comfortable enough. Merle jumps into the lower bunk of one immediately, and Sazed ignores the cheerful bickering between Taako and Magnus in the background to climb up to the second bunk above Merle. This one isn’t great. Its sheets are kind of rumpled and there are some truly suspect stains on there. Still, Sazed has slept in worse places and he’s too tired to kick up a fuss. 

He doesn’t think that he’ll be able to sleep at all, but before he knows it he’s fallen off into a dreamless slumber. Or, at least, he does for what feels like a couple of hours before he’s shaken awake. 

At first he thinks it’s Taako, if only because that’s who he’s been used to waking him up at all hours of the nights. But then the voice cuts through his sleepy mind and it’s absolutely, definitely not Taako’s or either of the other twos’. 

He sits up, his hand going to a sword that isn’t there, and finds himself staring at a sleepy looking human man. No, sleepy isn’t really the right word. This guy is higher than this damn moonbase, it looks like. And he’s not breaking eye contact with Sazed, which would be kind of unnerving if he wasn’t clearly seeing past him. 

“Hey man,” The guy says, his voice kind of off center. “I think you’re in my bed.”

Sazed stares at him, taking in his generally rumpled appearance, and he certainly does seem to fit the profile of someone who would keep their bed like this. Not to mention, it would certainly explain the gross look of something in an otherwise well-maintained facility. But...on the other hand…

“Prove it.” He says, narrowing his eyes at the stranger. 

“Oh, sure dude. Hold on.” The man climbs up the ladder partway, and Sazed hears Merle grumbling from beneath. “I’m Robbie, by the way, great to meet you.” 

“Uh huh.” He watches as Robbie leans over and reaches under the pillow, and then his eyes go wide when he comes out with several small bottles. They’re full of highly illegal looking fluids, and suddenly the pillow being so damn uncomfortable to sleep on makes a whole lot more sense. “...Okay, well, I have to admit. I really wasn’t expecting that.”

“Haha, yeah man! So uhhh.” He starts to clamber all the way up the ladder and Sazed leans away a bit when he realizes. “I’m just gonna...kinda...take this one back!” 

“I’m not going to-”

“Oh sweet, dude. I thought it’d be kinda awkward but hey, you’ve got the right idea!” Robbie just kind of lays down in a way that makes the bed even more cramped than previously, and Sazed is left staring at him in true and honest befuddlement. There’s a real, genuine urge to shove him over the edge of the bed. But there are other people in the room and he definitely wouldn’t get away with it, so that’s right out. 

So he rubs his forehead and pretends that it’s totally accidental that he smacks Robbie with his tail as he turns to go down the ladder. There’s only four beds to one room, so there must have been a mixup or something with the bedding arrangements. What really makes this a pain in the ass is that it’s the middle of the night, so the probability of him being able to find somewhere else to sleep that has an actual bed is next to zero. And since they were hustled from Voidfish to testing to bed, there wasn’t any time to really explore and see what the campus had to offer… 

God, he doesn’t want to wander around to find a couch to crash on. What a way to introduce yourself to your coworkers, right? Hi, I’m one of the new Reclaimers, can I borrow a bed because the one I was using is apparently actually a dealer’s? 

He covers his face and curses into his hands, and the floor is looking awfully tempting when he feels something tugging on his ear. It’s not enough to hurt, though that’s probably because he has thicker skin than most races. He glances up and sees Taako glaring at him from the second bunk, half of his face obscured by the pillow. It’s clearly trying to be intimidating, or maybe scolding, but Taako looks so out of it with sleep that neither is working. 

“You’re being loud as hell. Some people need their beauty sleep, Sazed.” Another yank on his ear makes him swat Taako’s hand away irritably. 

“I don’t want to hear it. Apparently we were given an already partially-filled room. Where the hell am I supposed to sleep?” He glances around at Magnus and Merle, dismissing even the idea of waking them up to coerce them into sharing. Magnus is a giant dude, and Sazed is a big dude, and these beds are barely big enough for one. As for Merle, he would never let him live it down, and that’s the last thing he’s interested in. 

“Uuugh, god  _ fine. _ ” Taako says, and rolls himself dramatically over to the other side of his bed. “Get up here, you whiny baby.” Sazed blinks. 

“What?”

“I said, get up here. You don’t have anywhere to sleep and if you think I’m going to listen to you bitch about how you slept on the floor for the next week, you got another think coming, hombre.” Taako snaps his fingers in a hurry-it-up gesture and after another moment of uncertainty Sazed climbs up the ladder. It’s not that he’s uncomfortable with this, more like he didn’t expect Taako to offer anything other than a way to kick one of the others out of their beds. But looking a gift horse in the mouth and asking questions is sure to blow up in his face. 

The moment he lays down Taako flings himself onto Sazed, and it startles him enough that he nearly pushes the wizard off. They stare at each other for a moment, Taako defiant and Sazed utterly confused. 

“Why.” He settles for, after a moment. Taako adjusts himself until his chin is firmly digging into Sazed’s chest, which wouldn’t be nearly as annoying as it is if Taako weren’t 90% bone. 

“My dude you are like the fanciest space heater money can buy, except it’s free and you owe me because I’m giving you some space to lay your pretty ass down,” Taako says. “Because, let me tell you, this moonbase  _ sucks  _ for thin-skinned, gentle elves such as myself. It’s freezing and no one else seems to notice.” 

Sazed certainly hadn’t, he knows, which probably has something to do with the whole tiefling thing. Thicker skin, demon blood, and a tendency to not notice cold no matter how much snow piles around him. It’s a mixed blessing, like when a scrawny elf wants to cling to you because he’s perpetually freezing. 

“Fine. But I swear to god, the first time you smack me during meditation-” 

“Yeah, yeah, you’ll throw me off the bed or whatever. Doesn’t matter, I can levitate.” Taako flicks his forehead and it makes Sazed wince a bit because of the elf’s ridiculously fancy nails. Seriously, they haven’t had time to stop off anywhere, where did he find the time to get these things sharper than usual?

He’s relieved when Taako lays his head back down instead of continuing their bickering. Merle and Magnus haven’t woken up yet but even they probably have their limits with how much noise won’t wake them up. ...Some particularly loud snoring from Magnus makes him amend that to a “maybe”. 

Once again he finds himself in the place of not thinking he’s going to fall asleep, and this time around he’s at least partially right. It’s funny, really, that he fell asleep almost instantly when he was on a terrible bed, but the second Taako decides to claim him as a resting spot he’s suddenly too awake to ever need sleep again. There are a lot of reasons, ranging from not wanting to listen to Taako complain when he rouses him from meditation, to still being utterly bowled over by everything that’s happened in the last...what, day? Maybe two? 

He can’t not think about how if he’d left when he had the chance, he wouldn’t be in this mess. Not just on the moonbase which, okay, it’s pretty damn cool. But with these three idiots, especially Taako. Having to act like nothing’s really different in their relationship so he doesn’t get suspicious is hard. He sort of wishes he’d lied to the Director about the gauntlet, because maybe then he wouldn’t be on a team with someone who still very much grates on every one of his senses. 

...Gotta live with those choices now, though. All the easy avenues that had been presented to him he’d pretty expertly fucked up. Maybe there’ll be a way to disappear without having to worry about being tracked down and getting his ass kicked by Killian. 

He resolves to think more about this in the morning, once he’s had a clear night’s sleep. He’s still not sure how possible that is, but as it turns out the moment he closes his eyes and lets himself relax the slightest bit, he’s passing right out again. This time, the sleep isn’t nearly as dreamless, but it’s a lucky thing that he never remembers his. 

\---------------------------------------

In the morning Taako tells him he’d thought Robbie was just some weird bullshit dream Sazed mistook for reality, and is now totally understanding of all the noise. Sazed can't even be that mad, because honestly even with all the weird bullshit the Bureau has thrown at them, that _was_ pretty weird.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everyone who's left such sweet comments on the fic so far! It's really encouraged me to continue this ridiculous enterprise into my favorite terrible boy. I hope that, much like Griffin, you trust me! If you don't trust Griffin then trust me like you would Magnus Burnsides to give a really good hug.


	5. A Train Puzzle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Have you ever, like, really thought about how terrifying trains are? If you haven't, murder usually helps with that. 
> 
> Sazed has flowery thoughts. Taako wins a bet. Angus is here, finally.

Let’s talk about trains. 

Trains are pretty cool, despite being horrible screaming masses of various metals and woods coming together to deposit folks at a certain destination in a maybe-safe manner. They aren’t exactly a new technology in Faerun, and most of the major issues (like dying) have been ironed out as of the modern era. 

That doesn’t mean Sazed (sorry, Thomas Bode) has to like them, though. 

He’s leaning somewhat uncomfortably against the wall and is very stubbornly not looking out any of the windows as the other three cheerfully harass anyone they can lay eyes on. Sure they’re here because someone was murdered, but he doesn’t think it’s going to convince anyone against murdering them if they bully everyone on the train relentlessly. 

...And yeah he can’t really act all high and mighty after he didn’t  _ not  _ join in with the whole Jenkins debacle. He is pretty sure it counts as being an accessory to bullying even if the target is wearing a really, really ridiculous fucking bowtie. 

He’s jolted from his thoughts by Magnus grabbing his arm and pulling. 

“C’mon buddy! We’re going into uhhh what’shisname’s magic hole!” Magnus is already giggling before he can finish the sentence and Jenkins looks like he’s mentally compiling a pro and con list of who to kill. 

“Please, please I beg of you. Please never refer to it as that again. I have worked very hard to-” 

“Yeah, yeah, you’ve really been harping on that bunch of whatever. Let’s go, boys.” Taako shoves past him and the others follow. Sazed sort of wishes he could get a closer look at the way the wand and the doorway work, because it is pretty amazing teleportation magic. ...But on the other hand, Jenkins’ droopy voice has an amazing way of making everything sound massively boring, and he is really just not interested in that at all. 

And besides, the more interesting thing is right in front of him, in the form of Jenkins’ garden. It’s bigger than any Sazed has ever seen, and to be quite frank it’s gorgeous. There are hundreds of varieties of plants, plenty of which he couldn’t put a name to if he tried. Sazed might be suitably impressed, but he can tell that Magnus is less so, Taako is visibly just looking for something to steal, and Merle is giving some looks at the plants that you know, Sazed doesn’t really want to think too hard about. 

“Oh, uh, do be cautious around those plants, Taako.” Jenkins calls out from the other side of the doorway. “That’s Deadly Nightshade, and I would hate to have one of my cherished riders get injured in there. It would mean shutting it down, which would just be, absolutely terrible.” 

Taako yanks his hand away from the plant he was about to touch like it burned him. Sazed doesn’t miss the look of disquiet that passes over his face for the briefest of moments before he starts twirling his umbrella like nothing bothers him. 

“Pfft, don’t wanna get messed up, that’s for damn sure. Gotta keep this money maker,” and here he gestures to his face “in prime time condition.” 

There’s general snickering because Taako being overly dramatic is always a pretty good goof. But Taako is giving the Nightshade a berth too wide to be unironic and is tapping the tip of his umbrella in the pattern he always does when he’s in thought. 

The other two either don’t notice, or- No, scratch that, they don’t notice. Magnus couldn’t keep his big mouth shut over seeing something was upsetting someone if his life counted on it, and Merle is...Merle. They’re lucky when he notices they’re hurt physically. 

It’s not too long after when Jenkins starts mumbling about spell time length and they start towards the door again. Taako hangs back and while Sazed doesn’t intend to follow suit, that’s what he ends up doing. Force of habit, probably. 

“Shame you can’t take anything, huh. Probably could make some killer potions and shit from some of these bad boys.” Taako says, as casually as you please. Sazed freezes for a moment, before brushing it off in almost a panic. That’s totally just a thing Taako can casually say. He doesn’t have any idea. 

“I mean, I can only start doing stuff if I know what the plants actually are. I can’t exactly make a poison with, like, a daisy or something.” He shrugs, not too bothered by it. They haven’t had a lot of time to themselves, let alone to actually start studying anything the Bureau might have in its library. 

“You should ask Merle, shouldn’t you? What good’s a nature cleric if he can’t tell you shit about plants?” 

“Oh god, no. Didn’t you see, he was trying to fuck the plants with his  _ eyes. _ ” Sazed whispers this last part so Merle can’t overhear and make things worse. This is promptly ruined by Taako making a sound like a dying animal and rushing forward with his hands over his ears. Yeah, he doesn’t know why he expected subtlety, here. 

“Oh my god! Grossarino, I never needed to know that ever!” Taako storms off into the rest of the car and Magnus and Merle look behind them at Sazed. He shrugs, eager to not have a conversation about what set Taako off. 

Taako’s draped himself dramatically over the seat in front of where the kid, Angus, is sitting. The rest of them follow him over, and honestly Sazed expects Taako to immediately sprint off again but then Angus pipes up.

“Hello, sirs! Did you have a good time in the pleasure room?” He says. His genuine enthusiasm in talking to them is still sort of unnerving. Shouldn’t a kid like him be with someone who can keep an eye on him, anyhow? 

“It wasn’t too bad, I guess.” Magnus shrugs. “Jenkins is way too proud of something nature does all the time.” 

“Oh gosh, I’m sure he works very hard on it! Um,” Angus chews on the end of his pen and looks at the group over his heavily-rimmed glasses. “Can I ask: what are all of your names?” 

“Uh- Same as before? Leemon,” Merle gestures at himself. 

“Bo Diddly, charmed.” Magnus says with an exaggerated pantomiming of doffing a hat. It gets Angus to giggle, which is probably a sound that could cure sorrows. 

“Oh gosh, um, no! I mean, what are your real names, that aren’t fake?” He says, and never before has something so incredibly bad been said in such a cutely innocuous way. 

There’s a pregnant pause between the four of them. Taako crouches down and grins at Angus while Merle elbows Magnus in the thigh urgently. 

“What do you mean, pumpkin?” Taako asks. Angus adjusts his glasses and attempts a serious look. Even though he apparently knows they’re all faking, Sazed still can’t quite take him seriously with that face. 

“I know you four aren’t who you say you are. And I need to know the truth right now!” He stands up from his seat a little in what may be an attempt to seem more serious and intimidating. But what it really gets him is just more cute points. 

Taako tilts his head a little towards the book that Angus is holding tightly onto, and Magnus makes a grab for it. The first attempt misses but the second gets him it, probably by virtue of being a much larger adult man. Angus looks pretty exasperated by the whole charade, especially when Magnus tosses the book over to Taako. 

“Okay, well, that’s not good.” Taako says after a moment, and turns the book to show the rest of the group the telegram typed neatly into the book. Merle buries his head in his hands and groans, and Sazed barely succeeds in not telling Taako the smuggest “I told you so” ever. 

“I need to know what you’re doing on this train and what your real names are, sirs, it’s incredibly important!” Angus’ tone has taken on a bit more insistence now. It’s weird, because even if he knows they’re lying about their names why would he care? Why wouldn’t he just go and tell someone who would be able to do something? 

“Look, look, okay,” Taako says. “Here.” He tosses the book back at Angus, who catches it and seems somewhat grateful. “I’m Taako, and these are my associates, and what’s the lowdown, huh? You’re pretty nosy for a five year old, and that’s even counting your weird magic book.” 

“Okay well first off, I’m ten, sir, not five! And second I can explain everything if, um, you’ll come into my sleeper car with me! There are prying eyes and ears out here, and I have to be very cautious.” 

Without even waiting for a response Angus hops off his seat and trots in the direction of the sleeper cars. The other boys don’t seem to have a single problem with following a kid off somewhere, but Sazed is a bit more wary. First of all: Who names their child Angus in this day and age, when there are so many non-food related names to choose from? And second, Sazed wasn’t born yesterday. Leading a bunch of people into a secluded room? That’s basically the most obvious trap he’s ever seen, which makes sense because Angus is literally ten. 

...On the other hand, the others in the party are probably less likely to help out later if Sazed doesn’t back them up in this dumb trap. So it’s with less than an enthusiastic mindset that he follows them into the sleeper car. 

He’s the last one in, and so he only catches the tail end of what Angus is saying. 

“...but I am the world’s greatest detective.” 

It’s an automatic and completely unintended reaction when Sazed’s heart jumps straight up into his throat, threatening to strangle him. He doesn’t like militia, or police, or whatever other figures of authority that have always been there to nearly arrest him. And his dislike of them hasn’t improved at all since Glamour Springs. After all, once you do that sort of thing it takes a very strong or very oblivious person not to be jumpy all the time. 

And while his first is to dismiss what Angus is saying entirely, because he is just a kid, tuning back into the conversation shows that he’s talking about a serial killer and plans to catch one, and honestly that sort of thing should be enough to convince anyone. 

It should be a relief that he isn’t suspecting any of them, but it doesn’t loosen his nerves any. He hasn’t managed to stay out of prison for this long because he put his trust in  _ detectives.  _

It’s lucky, then, that any further discussion is quickly and alarmingly cut off by the sound of a very high scream. 

\----------------------------------------------

Not even a full hour later, they’re on a runaway train careening towards Neverwinter. 

Sazed is super not into this becoming another Phandalin if only because he actually likes some of the places in Neverwinter. But as Graham has proven, stopping the train in any traditional sense isn’t going to be possible. The countdown is into minutes, now, and as far as he’s concerned the best they can hope for is that maybe their deaths won’t be too horribly painful. 

“I’m too young to die!” Angus says, worrying at his fancy little hat with his hands. “My character arc hasn’t even started! What- What are we going to do?” 

The only one who doesn’t seem as bothered as the others is Taako. And doesn’t seem like it’s because of his usual reasons, either, since he’s staring out of the train’s front window with a thoughtful look on his face. Just as Sazed is about to ask him in what way he’s planning to save himself this time around, he turns around with a flourish and gives everyone in the car a sunny grin. 

“Okay, this is gonna sound totally crazy, but you’re gonna have to just trust me for a bit.” He says, and starts making shooing motions towards the door back to the first car. “We gotta get off this train, firstly!” 

“Uh, Taako, what’re you planning-” Magnus starts, but he’s cut off by Taako giving him a hard shove out the door. 

“No time to explain, literally!” He says, and then goes to the entranceway and slides the door open. The wind whips around all of them, and it’s honestly very dramatic when Taako turns to look at them, hair whipping around his grinning face. “We gotta jump. Time for some lucky rolls, babes!” 

Everyone stares at him, clearly waiting for a punchline that doesn’t come. Angus steps closer to the open door and peers out, uncertainty written all over his features. 

“I-I don’t think this’ll work, sir! We’re moving very fast, and it’s very scary, and- Oh god!” He yelps that last bit as Taako pushes him out of the train with the blandest look on his face. Angus rolls, quite a bit, but when he sits up and doesn’t immediately keel over, Taako gives everyone else a thumbs up. 

“Alright, if the kid can do it we can too! Go, go, there’s no time!” He says, and steps aside as first Jess, then Magnus go running off. Jess makes a pretty damn radical landing, and Magus...does not. “Oof. We’ll deal with that if we survive this shit!” He watches as Merle jumps off as well and then gives Sazed an expectant look.

“...What the hell are you planning, Taako?” He says, gripping hard onto the guardrail near the door. This is like, his absolute worst nightmare when it comes to train thoughts. Maybe not specifically this, but something pretty damn close. 

“Ugh, you’re not gonna leave until I tell you, huh.” He’s speaking fast, eying the rapidly approaching city. “I’m gonna use Wankin’s wand to make the gate into his stupid garden! It should be big enough to hold at least part of the train before the spell breaks.” 

“But- What?? You’ve only managed to use the spell well once, and never on such a large target.” Sazed narrows his eyes at Taako, sure there’s something else he’s planning. But the elf seems confident. Though, knowing him, that probably just means that he’s keeping all of his freak out entirely internal. 

“If I fuck up it won’t even matter, but if I manage this it will be the  _ sickest  _ thing I have ever done in my life.” He’s starting to get pretty visibly antsy, and Sazed sighs harshly. There’s no way he’s going to be able to talk him out of this in the seconds remaining. 

“If you manage this, I’m going to buy you dinner.” He says, perfectly comfortable in the fact that he’s not going to have to spend any money. And then he jumps. 

It’s not really hitting the ground that’s the worst part of jumping out of a moving train. It’s the seconds before, where you realize you’ve just jumped out of a fucking moving train and if you mess this up you’re literally going to die. And, yeah, hitting the ground isn’t super great either. Not everyone can be Jess the Beheader. 

Sazed does manage to fare better than Magnus did, though, because he’s able to sit up after a few moments of staring at the sky woozily. He wants to see the train crash, because even if it’s going to be horrible to watch it’s going to be forgotten in a few hours if the Voidfish has anything to say about it- 

But instead of incredible destruction he sees Taako standing there, Jenkins’ wand outstretched, and the train barrelling through the portal opened in the Neverwinter gate. There’s a loud series of crashes, and then the gate snaps off like someone blew out a candle. Sazed isn’t paying attention to any of that, though, because his attention is focused solely on Taako. 

He literally had no idea that Taako was able to learn spells like that so quickly. Sure, he’s seen some twee stuff during Sizzle it Up, but Taako’s never shown anything really...dangerous? Not like this, which is something even Jenkins said took him years to figure out how to do well. What in the whole, entire hell. 

Taako walks over to him with the smug gait of someone who knows that they were right all along, and isn’t afraid to point it out constantly. He offers out the handle of his umbrella, which is about as close as Taako ever gets to offering help. Sazed takes it and stands, still a bit dazed. 

“Soooo. Dinner is on you, my man.” He grins and pats Sazed on the chest before waltzing over to the others. There’s some breathless cheering from the ones who are currently conscious, and Sazed doesn’t blame them one bit. He’d even be joining in if he weren’t completely bowled over by the generally impossible feat of magic he just saw. This is ridiculous. You’d think that he’d be used to this sort of thing just by virtue of living in Faerun but here he is. Maybe it’s because it’s Taako, and the most impressive magic he’s seen from him so far mostly seemed to involve turning ingredients into other ones. 

Eventually he does make his way over to the group, where Angus is clinging onto the hem of Taako’s shirt which seems to be as close to a hug as the elf is willing to allow. He’s babbling excitedly at Taako, who seems to be reveling in all the attention of course. For once he’s actually earned it. He catches Sazed’s eye and grins, and it’s embarrassing how easily he gets flustered by that. Goddamn stupid useless automatic reactions. 

He turns his attention to Magnus, who might be dead. They probably should get him to a competent healer, and then after that...Well, actually, there’s nothing to worry about. They’ve got the singular glasses, Neverwinter isn’t destroyed, and none of them are dead. 

With any luck, maybe they’ll be able to keep up this trend of successes. But...probably not. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that chapter summary should probably also say "the author is unable to make some really terrible jokes" 
> 
> Again, thank you all for all the support! It's been, kind of overwhelming but in a good way?? 
> 
> I hope that does not immediately dry up for what I've got planned wrt: Petals to the Metal :') Stay tuned for some sickass stunts.


	6. Masks and Battle Wagons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sazed performs a mask faux pas. Taako rolls for Intimidation. Magnus and Merle are trying their best, guys.

“Alright, now most of the things we’re gonna do out there are gonna be like... _ super  _ illegal. And because I don’t want to lose my job, we’re gonna have to hide our faces. I got you boys what you requested, so let’s make sure they fit.” 

Lieutenant Hurley stands in front of the quartet with a box in her hands, nearly bouncing with unexpressed energy. She’s been like this since they came back with the core after that mostly successful infiltration mission. Her excitement is contagious and her hyping up of the race is not stifling any of the energy in the room.

“First off, Magnus! This one was pretty easy to get, I think it’s fitting.” She says, and out of her box pulls out a bear’s head. Or, at least, it seems like that at first, but handing it off to Magnus shows that it’s actually more like a mask, which he happily takes and pulls over his head. It’s kind of frightening, the face contorted into a mean snarl with all sorts of nasty teeth inside. The effect is sort of ruined by Magnus’ goofy grin shining through the opening, though. 

“Oh man, this is the coolest thing!” He says, and pulls out Railsplitter and strikes a very dramatic pose. “What do you guys think? Intimidating enough?” 

“You look like a goofball, dude.” Taako says, lounging on one of the gutted battle wagons and looking bored with like, everything. 

“I don’t really see the difference.” Sazed says as casually as possible, and can’t hide the grin when Magnus swats at his arm. “Nah, it’s very intimidating. I mean, unless our competition likes bears.” 

“God, this is what I get for trying to match the theme.” Magnus says, but he doesn’t take the mask off. Actually, it’s a very good chance that he’s never going to take the mask off again, and they’ve now given him an excuse to act like a bear forever. 

“Well I think you look great, Magnus!” Hurley says, patting his lower arm (as high as she can reach). “Taako, here’s yours. It’s pretty unusual, so it was fun.”

She pulls out another mask, this one a bit smoother in shape and with cuter eyes. But when Taako turns it over in his hands before sweeping his hat off his head to put the mask on, the tiny but vicious looking teeth glint from the mouth. 

“Sick as hell. Sorry boys, I win for coolest mask just automatically.” He grins and lounges against the wagon again. The mask actually adds some sharpness to him, despite his outfit not really matching up with the mask and his hair poking out haphazardly from the edges of the mask. It looks cool as fuck.

“I gotta ask, though, Taako. I mean- I get Magnus’ mask, bear and all yeah, but...why the mongoose? It’s not a regular choice…” Hurley says, settling the box under one arm and looking at Taako with curiosity written all over her face. 

“Oh, well uh-” Taako sort of shrugs, but it’s in the way that anyone who’s known him for five seconds knows means he’s about to start getting into something. “Because um, the mongoose has specialized acetylcholine receptors that make it impervious to venom and so they’re known for killing snakes. Very surprisingly dangerous. Like, Rikki-Tikki-Taako, you know?” He grins a bit and while there’s some incredulous laughter from the others Sazed is silent. 

“And that’s how I see myself you know? I may not be the most threatening silhouette but I like to think of myself as somebody who can stand up for- Oh fuck off, Magnus, don’t make that face.” He offers up a bird towards the fighter, who just covers his mouth and laughs harder. “You know it doesn’t always have to be goof-goof dildo machines! I’m here with the boner squad and I never get to just say what I’m feeling. I have emotions! It’s not all abraca-fuck you and what have you. I have a beating heart! I’m multidimensional! I’m a fully realized creation! Fuck!” 

He stands there, hands balled up into fists and breathing heavily with all of this being shown through the mask making things look a hair more intense. Sazed feels like he’s the only one who can feel the tension in the air, though, because the others are chuckling and generally not taking Taako seriously at all.

“Okay, super cool, Taako. That’s gonna make some great tee shirts.” Hurley says, and then turns to Sazed. “And here’s yours. Gotta say, like...did you two plan this? Because if you did I’m super impressed.” She grins and pulls out a slightly larger mask, scaley and with a pretty impressive flare in the back. There’s two sharp fangs right in the front of the mouth, and as Sazed takes it he can feel the heft of the mask. 

“Is that a fucking cobra?” Taako sounds like he’s torn between being very impressed and completely exasperated. “God dammit Sazed, did you peek in on my choice? I get wanting to match with the coolest dude in the room, but-”

“I just think they’re cool, Taako.” He says, slipping the mask pretty smoothly over his face. It doesn’t even bump up against his horns, which is something most everything does. “Lieutenent, I gotta ask, is this stuff magic or are you just really good at tailoring?” 

“A battle wagon racer never reveals her secrets!” Hurley says with a grin, and then tosses Merle the last mask out of the box. “And here, the owl mask you asked for, Merle! You’re really going for that wise old man idea, huh.” 

“Oh yeah. It’ll psych our competitors out, you know? No one thinks an owl can hurtcha until bam! You’ve got some talons in your face!” Merle holds up the mask to his face, and it does look kind of cool until you remember you have to look down to see it. 

“Hey, maybe they’ll actually mistake you for an owl!” Magnus says, and starts laughing before he can even finish his joke. “You know- ‘Cause you’re the same size as one!” He grins and easily stays out of Merle’s grumpy reach. Sometimes your arms are just too short to fight a much larger human. 

“Alright, alright guys. Great goofs, but we should start going over the battle plan before morning. There’s a lot you’re going to need to know.” Hurley walks over to the ram-horned battle wagon and turns to face all of them with a determined smile on her face. “I’m gonna make you into the best racers possible.”

True to her word, Hurley is a tough but exciting teacher in the ways of battle wagon races. Her enthusiasm makes up for her sometimes forgetting that only two of the group have ever driven a wagon in their entire lives, and that one of them is a dramatic wizard who keeps harping on having cool outfits. 

It’s during one of the latter complaints that Sazed finds himself wandering outside, not very interested in hearing Taako arguing for the third time about whether or not skirts are battle wagon appropriate clothing. He knows the elf is just being a pain in the ass at this point, and he refuses to be dragged into helping him out this time. Hurley makes him nervous, what with being an officer of the law and all. Like sure, she’s probably married to a serious criminal, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t arrest people in her day job. 

He steps outside of the garage and starts in surprise at Merle and Magnus sitting on some empty crates. Magnus, as predicted, is still wearing the fucking bear mask and carving something. Merle has a pipe out and is smoking something that smells sickly sweet and definitely illegal. 

“Oh, hey buddy! Is Taako arguing with Hurley again?” Magnus asks, and clicks his tongue when Sazed nods. “Jeezy creezy, that dude. Oh well, at least it gives us an excuse to take a break, right?” 

“I guess. I’d rather get more prepared to fight against the Raven, though.” He leans against the wall, trying to figure out what it is Magnus is making, exactly. It’s not a duck, which is already a surprise. “I mean, she almost killed us last time without even breaking a sweat. I’m not super looking forward to what she can do in a race that has very few rules to it.”

“Hey, we’ll be okay! We just have to beat her, not fight her.” Magnus waves his carving knife to emphasize his words. “Besides, I almost had her that time! Right, Merle?”

“Nope, we’re definitely gonna die. But we’re gonna look damn cool while we do.” He says in one of his many faux-intellectual voices. 

“Alright, cool, actually what I was hoping for was something in the middle of blind optimism and nihilism,” Sazed says. “I mean, we’re not completely incompetent...Anymore. We should be able to take a bunch of leaves off of someone, right?” 

“...Do you think Merle could do what he did in front of the bank again?”

“Oh yeah! Maybe that’d work-”

“I’ve changed my mind. You both suck, and I hate you.” Sazed rolls his eyes and pulls a flask out of his jacket. Magnus glances over, looks back to his carving, and then nearly knocks the crate over as he stands up very suddenly. 

“That’s mine! Why- How did you-” Magnus throws his hands up and makes baffled, annoyed noises. “You’re as bad as Taako!” 

“I’ll have you know that I am better, because I actually give things back.” He says, and then downs like, half of whatever’s in the flask. The specifics don’t really matter with this flask, since Magnus keeps some of Avi’s hooch in it almost all the time, and the enchantment makes it doubly potent. Exactly what he needs after a day of almost getting murdered, and before a day of almost definitely getting murdered.

“You’re gonna be hungover tomorrow, Sazed! Isn’t the race super early in the morning?” Magnus makes a grab for the flask and Sazed just grins at the look on his face when he pulls it away. Magnus is pretty used to people either being shorter than him or incredibly easy to pick up, so it’s always pretty funny to see him remember that they’re about the same size. “Ugh, you’re insufferable. You could have at least shared!”

“Magnus, you get drunk off of one heavy beer. Me, on the other hand, I coulda had as much as I like! I’ve got that dwarven tolerance.” Merle looks at Sazed with big puppy dog eyes, and the tiefling responds by maintaining eye contact as he chugs the rest of the booze. “...Yeah, I probably should have seen that coming.” 

Sazed just grins, even though he is absolutely regretting chugging that. Normally it wouldn’t be a problem, but with the double potency...Yeah, he’s going to be feeling those effects by tomorrow. Oh, well. It won’t be the first time he does something ill-advised with a hangover, and he would be willing to bet money it isn’t going to be the last. 

“So…” Magnus is trying to act casual and as if he’s only focused on his carving, but he’s very bad at it. “Sazed. You uh, you mind if I ask you something?”

“I absolutely do.”

“Oh Uh,” Magnus says, floundering. “That’s cool! It’s, uh, just, y’know. About Taako, and stuff, and I was just wondering-”

“What’s the deal with you two? You’re both suspicious as hell  _ and  _ weirdly in sync.” Merle chimes in, not glancing up from where he’s packing more leaves into his pip.

“Merle!” 

“What? He said that you couldn’t ask him, but he didn’t say anything about me!” Merle huffs and lights his pipe again. Sazed groans and puts his head into his hands, trying not to feel too exasperated. Sure, this is one of those things that was going to come up eventually since they’re all in the same adventuring party, but you can’t blame him for hoping it’d like...never come up, period. 

“Is this about the masks? Because I didn’t even know Taako was into mongoose. Mongooses? I don’t know the plural.” He says. “Look, if you stick around with someone for long enough, you’re going to start thinking along similar lines to them. You two haven’t known Taako long enough, but it’ll happen to you too.”

“Wow! Is that a threat or a promise, dude?” Magnus says, but he’s laughing. “I don’t think I ever wanna think along the same lines as Taako. Have you seen what he thinks up; it must be terrifying in there!” 

“Well-”

Sazed is cut off by the side door to the garage being kicked open and Hurley complaining in the background. Taako steps out and strikes a pose. 

“Shut up, fives, a ten is here!” He says, and tosses his hair over his shoulder dramatically. He’s dressed completely different now, wearing an all leather ensemble that includes exceedingly tight pants. He’s even gone so far as to change his makeup, dark eyeshadow making his eyes glinting in the dim light more ominous and bright red lipstick looking like he’s got a splash of blood across his face. The mongoose mask doesn’t look as silly paired up with this outfit now. 

“Holy shit, Taako!” Magnus sounds very enthusiastic, and goes over to check him out closer. “Where did you get these clothes? They look amazing!” 

“Hurley let me use some of Sloane’s old stuff, she said it was better than anything loose getting caught while we’re riding.” Taako does a twirl with the smuggest expression possible on his face. “I’m gonna be killin’ it out there, boys. Literally  _ and  _ figuratively, now!” 

There’s laughter, and Taako beams. 

“Oh yeah, and Hurley says chill time is over. She’s got a shitton more things to talk about. C’mon boys.” He snaps his fingers and makes a hurry up gesture at the open door. Merle grumbles before heading in, and Magnus follows suit with his (now obviously a tiny raven) carving in hand. Before Sazed can go in as well, though, Taako grabs his arm. 

“Hold on a mo’, bubale. I got a bone to pick with you.” He says, and having to look up at Taako through his fucking mongoose mask makes Sazed wish he was taller. 

“What’s up- Uh?” Sazed finds himself grabbed by the front of his shirt and Taako leaning in with a thin smile. 

“I don’t know what you’re playing at, big boy, but if you think you can usurp a king from his throne so easily you are going to be proven extremely wrong. I will strike you down, and you will not be able to see it coming because I have the acrobatic skill of a  _ god.  _ Don’t you ever, ever challenge my power again.” 

Sazed opens his mouth, closes it, and then draws his brows together in confusion. 

“...Was that the same speech you gave me the first time I cooked something halfway decent?” He says, and he’s answered by the way Taako blushes to the tips of his ears, which are visible despite the mask. 

“...Shit, it was. Dammit, Sazed, why couldn’t you be like those other two chucklefucks and not know me beforehand. Now I gotta start thinking of new things to threaten you with.” Taako sighs dramatically and removes himself from Sazed’s clothes. 

“No, I got the message, Taako...Even if it is something dumb like masks we’ll be using in an illegal race. I’ll be sure not to choose something that may or may not be allegorically related to things you like, next time.” He rolls his eyes and takes the light hit on his arm. It’s like a kitten sneeze. 

“Dickhead. Ugh, come on, we gotta get back in there before Maggie comes out and picks us up. You got any more of that hooch?” 

“Merle drank it, sorry.” 

“Tch. Typical.”

\---------------------------

It isn’t until the next day that Sazed realizes Taako’s annoyance might have been based around his weird superstitions. 

He doesn’t have a lot. For the most part it’s little things, like doing his best to never be in front of a mirror in darkness, or getting weird about paintings with eyes on them. But if there’s ever something that would fall under Taako’s category for bad luck it would be having someone on his team dressed like the natural enemy of what he’s dressed like. 

Sazed doesn’t give this too much thought after realizing it before the race, because the thing about battle wagon races is once it starts the time for thinking over things has ended. 

He wonders, once the cricket riders pull up next to the ram wagon and one pulls out an orb, if thinking about it a bit more would have improved their luck any. Sazed has been mostly stuck on the wagon with Taako and Hurley, providing (sometimes literal) cover fire as their teammates do dumb, if awesome, stunts, so he is right in the range of the orb when the rider activates it. 

It feels like something’s trying to get into his brain, and he stumbles a bit, only stopping himself from falling right off the wagon because of the railing. The feeling passes quickly, and out of the corner of his eye he sees Hurley shudder but otherwise not seem to be affected. Then he turns only to see Taako unbuckling his safety harness, a sort of vague, empty look on his face that’s different from the one he usually has. 

“What-” Sazed starts, but then he’s cut off by Taako just chucking himself off the back of the wagon. 

There’s a lot of things that happen at once. Hurley shouts, her words whipped away by the roar of the wind. The other two cricket-masked riders have managed to get onto the battle wagon and are doing their absolute best to wreck it. And there’s Taako, drifting off backwards at a very, very high speed with a bewildered look on his face. 

Sazed freezes, not sure what to do in this case. He should- He should help Taako, right? If they’re going to be fighting the Raven, it isn’t going to be anything remotely like an easy fight if they’re without their wizard. On the other hand he kind of just wants to watch. If Taako died here, it wouldn’t even be his fault, it’s not like anyone would be able to blame him for not being able to save someone who threw themselves off the back of a moving vehicle. But again, really bad idea to go into a fight with a nature god and not bring someone who can set things on fire at a very intense rate, because you were too much of an asshole to save them. 

When a big furry paw grabs Taako out of the air, it’s actually kind of a relief. Klarg appearing has pretty efficiently put an end to any mental arguments, and Taako seems perfectly content in the side care of the motorcycle and not likely to do another dive off of anything. Sazed pulls away from the edge and turns back to the front of the car. He’s not super surprised to find that the crickets that had been there a minute ago are gone, and Magnus is standing there instead looking thrilled to be here. 

“Having fun, dude?” Magnus shouts over the wind, and Sazed just rolls his eyes. 

“Yeah, a fucking blast.” He says, and then pushes past Magnus to get close enough that Hurley can hear him without too much shouting. 

“Hey! Is Taako okay?” She yells behind her, and looks relieved when Sazed gives her a thumbs up. “Thank god! What the hell was he thinking?” 

“Uh, probably nothing at the time? He’s on a motorcycle now.” He glances behind him, and yep, Taako’s still riding around. Heading towards the boar now, actually. 

“That’s, uh, pretty weird! There wasn’t a motorcycle that signed up, and also this is kind of a battle wagon race?” She shrugs after a moment. “Whatever, as long as Taako’s okay! We’ve only got two more vehicles to get out of the race!” 

She sounds hopeful, and also like she’s having the time of her fucking life. Sazed hopes that none of that is misplaced, and that it really is going to be as easy as Hurley hopes it is. 

\----------------------------

In retrospect, it was dumb to ever hope that anything would go easily. Getting their asses kicked by plants and then thrown off a tower by Hurley was one thing, but standing in a fountain in Goldcliff in front of Sloane clutching Hurley to her is another thing entirely. It’s worse. 

Sazed has seen a lot of dying people, in various situations. This has got to be the worst he’s ever seen, though. Silverpoint is one of those things that you don’t really ever want to see because when you do, it’s sort of seared into your brain. Hurley lying there in Sloane’s arms, with darkness creeping up her body like the tide is going to stick with him for a very long time, he thinks. 

Sloane looks up at them and her face is streaks with tears and wet hair clinging to her skin. She holds Hurley closer and has a strange, determined look on her face. 

“Don’t let this happen again.” She says, and then there is a bright flash of light. 

Sazed is pretty goddamn freaked out by that, because he just got his ass kicked pretty thoroughly by magic just a few moments ago. But the worst that happens is he gets splashed with water, and when he opens his eyes they’re all standing in front of a huge, beautiful tree. Pink petals swirl around them, and for a moment Sazed thinks that Sloane’s run off. But upon closer inspection of the tree, there’s the raven and ram masks, the belt which sort of whispers at him, and then...bark and wood molded in the shape of a taller figure holding onto a smaller one. 

He turns away, an awful roiling in his gut at the sight. He’s sort of peripherally aware of Taako reaching for the sash and then getting clocked by Magnus, but he can’t even feel too pleased about that. Gundren dying was different, if only because he barely knew the dwarf. Hurley had actually hung around them, and had been a good person. And now she was...a tree? Something? 

He rubs at his head, and although he’s got more than just a headache this time it does help calm him a bit. 

Or at least it does, before the militia show up and the group is hustled away into Captain Bane’s wagon as fast as possible. Sazed is completely sure that this is just going to be kind of sad, and in no way is it going to end in even more disturbing deaths or ominous apparitions. That would be too goddamn much. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for a chapter about a sickass race, this sure does involve a lot of fashion and banter about fashion 
> 
> btw: oh my god thank you all so much for indulging me in this HIGHLY self indulgent fanfic. This sucker is getting longer every second and im on the highway to hell


	7. the eve before candlenights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'twas the night before candlenights, and all through the base  
> not a creature was stirring way up here in space   
> and tonight on this second of the two moons   
> a tiefling and elf start to make macaroons

It’s the eve before Candlenights, and the moonbase is not as quiet as one would expect it to be. It turns out that having a bunch of goofballs try to be prepared ahead of time for a celebration they knew was going to happen doesn’t mean they’ll actually be prepared for anything. The Fantasy Costco ran out of appropriate wrapping paper early on, and is now completely out of all of its stock. There’s going to be some hastily wrapped presents with “Congratulations, it’s a Candlenights!” scribbled onto it, that’s for sure. 

In the Reclaimer’s suite it’s a whirlwind of last minute purchases and poorly-wrapped presents. The Candlenight’s bush had already been put up weeks ago, but it hadn’t quite seemed to be right before a bunch of brightly colored boxes and other shapes had been shoved underneath it. 

Sazed had gotten dragged into helping out the other three with last minute present wrapping, even though he’d already finished his. It hadn’t been one of the worst interactions with them ever, truth be told. Magnus had babbled on about his old town’s Candlenights traditions at the slightest invitation, and Merle was a source of entertainment because of how terrible he is at wrapping things. Taako had run off after using magic to wrap all of his “presents” and none of them have seen him since. Probably too grossed out by all the warm and fuzzy feelings of the holidays.

Only Magnus seemed to actually care about him booking it early, and he was easily placated by it being pointed out that now he can talk about any surprises for Taako openly. 

And now that Magnus and Merle had both headed to bed, Sazed is finally, finally free to go back to his own room. The suite the Director had given them only had three rooms, so she’d offered one of them a chance to have a separate room that would be completely their own, and Sazed had jumped at the chance. Maybe the other two didn’t care, but he was super sick of catching glimpses of Kenny Chesney in the morning. 

Just as he reaches the front door and is halfway through turning the doorknob, he hears a rustling coming from the general direction of the kitchen. He pauses for a moment and tries to listen closer. At first, he doesn’t hear anything and dismisses it as the moonbase settling (a truly terrifying concept), but then it comes again. A sound that’s quiet in the way that sounds are when someone’s trying to be sneaky. Then there’s a louder clink and muffled swearing, and before Sazed can stop himself he’s walking to the kitchen door. Curiosity insists that he has to at least make sure no one’s trying to steal...what, cutlery? Food? Yeah, right, he doubts these three bozos have enough to steal in the first place that can’t just be bought at Fantasy Costco. 

(his mind helpfully supplies  _ maybe they’re trying to poison them, you should help out _ and he ignores it)

He eases the door to the kitchen open, hoping that whoever’s in there is too slow to try to attack him. Maybe he’s just being too paranoid. Unless someone on the moonbase is somehow secretly, what, a Red Robe or something? He isn’t in much danger of getting his ass kicked in the Reclaimers’ kitchen. 

Peeking through the crack in the door shows a kitchen in total disarray. It smells absolutely great in here, the reason for which presents itself almost immediately: there are dozens of adorable macaroons shoved in piles of varying height on the counters. What free space isn’t taken up by the cookies is covered in baking supplies and, at the far end of the room, Taako. His back is turned to the door and he’s hunched over the counter, and though it takes a bit of looking it becomes rapidly obvious that his shoulders are shaking the slightest bit. 

He’s also holding a knife in one hand, which makes Sazed really  _ really  _ glad that he decided on the slow approach. 

“Taako?” He says, and winces slightly at the way the elf’s shoulders tense. “What are you doing with, uh, all of this?” He doesn’t want to ask just what he’s doing, because it’s really fucking obvious, but he’s also super confused. 

“Jesus, babe, I thought you were supposed to be the smart one out of this team.” Taako laughs, but it’s as forced as the joke. He goes quiet and turns to face the doorway, and Sazed can see now that he’s been cutting almonds. “I’m making macaroons for tomorrow- today?- what’s it look like.” 

He must have seen Sazed’s eyes drift off to the piles of discarded cookies, because he huffs and makes a gesture with his hand that he clearly only does because he’s forgotten he’s put his hair up. He’s done it a million times.

“Those cookies were hardly worthy of the Taako brand. This is the first time these plebs are gonna be tasting my cooking, I gotta show them I’m not  _ always  _ all talk.” He turns back to the almonds in front of them and cuts them with a renewed vigor. 

“Uh...huh,” Sazed says. “Well, that’s unusually nice of you. You didn’t get anyone presents, did you?”

“Excuse you, I think these amazing cookies crafted by Taako himself are present enough! I’m not even going to charge for them.” 

“It’s a Candlenight’s miracle.” Sazed says, as dryly as possible, before reaching out to grab a cookie from the pile. They don’t seem bad to him. Taako’s always been good at making these small, delicate desserts, the more complicated the better. He’s just about to take a bite when Taako straight up smacks it out of his hand like an opposing b-baller denying someone a sick dunk.

“That’s not for you! Greedy!” He says, shaking the knife in his general direction. 

“What the hell, Taako! You’re just gonna throw these away, why let them all go to waste?” He rubs his hand, looks Taako straight in the eye, and picks up another cookie. Taako looks like he wants to stab him, which would be the funniest thing to explain to Merle after waking him up for healing. “Quit giving me that look. These cookies are fine, it’s not like-”

He pauses, and for the first time registers the slightly panicked look on Taako’s face. He hadn’t noticed it before, because he’d just thought it was a result of the elf staying up for so long, but right now that seems unlikely. It seems more like actual fear. He’s doing his best to cover it up with bravado and smugness, but he can’t hide it in his eyes. 

“What? What?? You wanna be a- a fucking rule breaker then be my guest! I ain’t gonna stop you, hombre, this is your cross to bear, your stupid choice, your-”

“Taako,” Sazed says, cutting him off before he can get too distracted by his rant. “Why did you make so many cookies, really? You and I both know the folks we work with aren’t going to be able to tell the difference between macaroons and macarons, let alone between a good one and a bad one.” 

Taako takes a deep breath, ears lying flat against his head, and Sazed just waits instead of asking again. He knows by now that when Taako gets like this, it’s better to wait him out than to push him into snark and anger. 

“...God, you’re not gonna leave unless I get all gross and honest, huh. Jerk.” Taako groans and starts messing with his hair. It hasn’t grown out past his ears yet, but he’s still forced it back away from his face with as many bobby pins as he could find. “Look. We have a pretty good thing going on here, right? These fools have managed to forget that we’re, like, literally criminals. And they’re paying us pretty great rates despite, again, totally wanted for like,  _ various  _ things, and-”

“Taako, get to the point. I’m aging a thousand years here.” 

“Fine. I don’t want this to be another Glamour Springs.” He says this quietly, not meeting Sazed’s eyes. The shaking that was present before is back, and more pronounced, with Taako’s entire slight frame shivering with what is probably a myriad of emotions. “I know it’s stupid, so just shut your mouth, I don’t need that input. I just super don’t want to fuck with this thing we got going on, especially when it involves copious amounts of people who can find and kill us.” 

Sazed stares at him for a moment. His first instinct is to play it off and maybe tease him about it, because up until literally right now that’s how both of them have approached “feelings”. But right now, Taako is being honest. Taako is being visibly upset about something that only Sazed knows isn’t his fault at all. Maybe it’s just because it’s Candlenights, but he doesn’t feel like letting this sudden emotional openness just go by the wayside. 

But like, he also isn’t going to tell Taako the truth. Not even Candlenights makes him that honest. 

“This isn’t going to be another Glamour Springs, Taako.” He says, and then holds up his hand to stop Taako from going off on another rant. “And that’s because I’ll help you make the macaroons.”

Of all the responses he thought would happen, slightly shaky but still definitely derisive laughter was in the top two. But then Taako looks at him a bit thoughtfully and slowly nods. 

“No, wait, that could...actually work! Your macaroons fucking suck-”

“Wow, regretting this offer already.”

“-But you can watch and help out! If someone’s watching, the likelihood of me accidentally poisoning the batch is super low. And you’re obviously willing to taste test them, so it works out.” Taako starts moving as he talks, shoving a mixing bowl filled with egg whites at Sazed and taking up his knife with renewed vigor. “Get your ass in action, these cookies ain’t gonna whip themselves up.” 

It’s impossible to slack off when Taako’s in the kitchen with someone. He’s always so bossy and critical of what’s being made, and while it’s hilarious to watch someone else have to deal with it, it makes him remember why he vowed to stop cooking with Taako. But it also sparks a bit of nostalgia in him, so he just flicks Taako with some egg whites when he gets too obnoxious instead of starting a fight. 

And at the end of it, they have a stack of perfect macaroons, all nicely plated. They’re elderflower, which isn’t Sazed’s favorite flavor but that’s just too fucking bad because he’s already signed up for this. There’s one single cookie sitting on a napkin, and Taako watches every action like a hawk when Sazed picks it up. He pops it into his mouth because macaroons really aren’t big cookies, and doesn’t even flinch when he chews. After all, it’s a lot easier to not fear poison when you know exactly where the last poison came from. 

“Thank fuck. If you bit the dust that’d be far too much of a cleanup.” Taako says, but his ears betray his actual relief. They’re perked up for the first time that night, that Sazed has seen. “Alright, handsome, outta the way. I need to sneak these bad boys into my room before the other two dummies wake up to the smell of ah-maaazing cooking.” 

Sazed makes a noncommittal grunt, eyeing up the piles of cookies still sitting on the counter. But with a flick of his wrist, Taako makes them disappear between one blink and the next. He only laughs at the sour look on Sazed’s face. 

“I cannot believe the only time you actually clean up after yourself is when I wish you wouldn’t.” He says, following Taako as he starts out the kitchen. “I was going to take those cookies as payment, you know. Since you didn’t actually buy me a gift.” 

“You’re so whiny. Isn’t the spirit of Candlenights to  _ give  _ rather than  _ receive _ ?” Taako tosses his hair and looks like he’s going to leave for a moment, but then turns to face Sazed again. Balancing the tray in one hand, he sidles up closer to Sazed, who despite his best efforts can’t stop the blush that creeps up his face. Fucking...Taako. “But if you wanna receive somethin’, I guess I can’t really fault you. You  _ did  _ help. So, if you want…” 

He leans even closer, and Sazed has to avoid the urge to lean in any way whatsoever. Taako would get insulted if he leaned away, and would tease him mercilessly if he leans into it. Between a rock and a rude ass wizard. 

Then Taako shoves a macaroon in Sazed’s open mouth and he nearly chokes. 

“Close your mouth, bubala. You’ll attract flies.” He taps the bottom of Sazed’s chin and cackles before blinking out of the room. That’s both completely expected and incredibly surprising, and it nearly makes him choke again. It doesn’t matter how long it takes him to get the cookie down, because Taako is long gone, but it’s embarrassing anyhow. 

Terrible, terrible wizard. Absolutely the worst. He rubs his throat before exiting the kitchen and thinking about how much sleep he’s going to manage to wrangle out of his bed before being woken up for the start of the party. Probably not nearly as much as he would like, but not as little as is required to ignore the fact that Taako knows he can still embarrass him, now. 

This is already shaping up to be, if not the worst, then at least the most embarrassing Candlenights. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone in the fandom is writing great stuff abt the new eps so, you know, im gonna write about stuff that literally doesn't even get shown in the show


	8. Lab Safety and How Not to Practice It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A totally fun romp in a completely safe and OSHA certified lab. 
> 
> Taako fucks up. Lucas is still kind of a dingus. Sazed misses out on a huge chunk of plot.

Sazed never thought he’d run into a situation where he feels vaguely nauseous at the sight of a certain kind of gemstone. He’s never even  _ seen  _ pink tourmaline before now, and is a little sour that something pretty if slightly tacky has been ruined by a death trap of a lab. And it’s deadly, too, on top of being exhausting to look at now. That coupled with giant cockroaches, killer, immortal (if kind of cute) water bears, and worst of all  _ math _ , has slotted this Candlenights firmly into “worst ever”. 

It’s honestly a relief to get into a room that hasn’t been touched by crystal yet. The lab almost seems welcoming in places like this, which is why Sazed isn’t making more than a token effort to help free Carey and Killian from their icy prison. Sure, they might be on a time limit, but they’re actually competent. They can get out of the ice by themselves, with a little help from a very enthusiastic Magnus. 

“Hey guys, check this shit out!” 

The entire group turns around as one to see Merle with his arm outstretched towards them, now in a permanent open grasp towards something in front of him because it’s being overtaken by the same pink crystal they’ve run into everywhere else. 

There’s a horrified silence for a solid moment, before Magnus jumps right at Merle, axe swinging. 

“Wh- Hey, hey, hey, watch it with the axe!” Merle jumps back and the swing just barely whiffs. “You were aiming at my freaking arm!” 

“You’re gonna turn into crystal if you don’t let me chop it off, Merle!” Magnus shouts, and then takes another swing. It’s genuinely horrifying to watch, and feelings of hope that Magnus actually hits and saves Merle’s life mixed in with prayers that watching someone get their arm chopped isn’t in the cards today is really not helpful at all. 

“Holy shit at least clean your damn axe off! You were just fighting those horrible water bears!” 

“Do you want me to like, ice over your arm first oooor-”

“Just cut my damn arm off if you’re gonna do it!” 

The yelling overlapped, making it pretty hard to clearly hear any one thing, but the horrible  _ shunk  _ sound of Railsplitter cleaving through Merle’s arm cuts off all further discussion and indeed all talking period. 

There’s something about watching an ally’s arm get chopped off that is different to watching someone absolutely demolish a dude you don’t like. Sazed has seen Magnus cleft a man in twain, but watching him chop Merle up, no matter how good of him it is...Jesus, it’s so tempting to join Merle there down on the floor. 

Then the arm hits the floor, and the area around it immediately starts crystallizing, and it becomes obvious that any freakouts aren’t going to be able to happen in this room. Killian and Carey break through the ice-covered door and both seem to have to take a triple take before they realize exactly what it is they’re looking at. 

“Did you cut his fucking arm off??” Killian shouts at Magnus, who hoists Merle up into his arms. 

“Yep! Yell at me later, let’s go!” He says, and then books it to the door on the other side of the room. It seems like the argument could be made that they could at least wait long enough to give Merle a healing potion or two, but then the windchime noises that have preceded that awful crystal golem start up and it’s decided generally at the same time that the healing can wait a little longer. 

Making it through the arcane airlock is both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, they’re finally where they need to be, and Lucas’ medbay is just beyond the other doorway. On the other, Merle now only  _ has one hand. _ Sazed is pretty sure that healing magic only goes so far, not to mention the fact that the only healer in this entire damn lab is currently out cold and bleeding out. 

Lucas meets them as soon as they’re through the second airlock, and he goes a little pale at the sight of Merle. 

“Oh god, I thought you were making a goof when you said you cut his arm off.” He says, and makes a very undignified squeak when Magnus shoves Merle at him. “What even happened out there? It sounded like you guys were having a lot more trouble than you should have been!” 

“Lucas, this place is an absolute deathtrap. You should have warned us better, instead of deciding to give us only the absolute minimum!” Killian is one of those people who doesn’t need to raise her voice to be intimidating, as shown by the way Lucas cowers a little before adjusting his glasses in what he probably thinks is a decisive manner. 

“It- It isn’t usually this dangerous, I assure you! Look- You can yell at me for this later, I should. Take care of Merle.” He mumbles to himself as he drags Merle towards the surgery table in the room. Merle, for his part, is still dead unconscious up until the point that Lucas stabs a needle full of something into his remaining arm. He’s immediately up again, though pretty clearly still not remotely lucid. It’s actually pretty pathetic. 

Sazed is hanging back from the rest of the group, totally near the trash bin by coincidence and not just because he feels like he’s about to puke out his entire life’s worth of food. There’s the nagging suspicion that the only one in the room more unhappy about the arm thing than him is Merle, and that’s just weird. He’s never been a big fan of seeing gore up close, and this has just cinched it. 

When he looks back up to check on the status of Merle, he’s shocked to see that not only is the dwarf sitting up and functioning (more or less), but there’s something...growing? Out of the stump where his arm was. It looks like wood, for sure, there are even little leaves growing around the upper portion. 

He doesn’t know why he’s consistently surprised by the cool shit they get the moment one of them have been put into mortal danger. Well. Okay, the cool shit that Taako, Merle, and Magnus get. The only thing Sazed has gotten so far are god damn migraines. Not that he can really complain anymore, considering now Merle has the mother of all trump cards on any other sort of injury short of literal death.

There’s the period of time where they all have to recharge their suits, which is fine and dandy except for how they’re all crammed in like sardines. It would probably be easier if there was a way to go in a few at a time, but apparently the great scientist Lucas Miller didn’t think of that. Sazed doesn’t voice this opinion out loud, because even he knows when that would cause more harm than good. But lord, is it tempting. 

Then Lucas is dragging them all into the side room of his lab, where he goes on and on about concepts that, in any other situation, Sazed would be genuinely fascinated by. Right now, though, it’s just annoying. Lucas isn’t really making any points that are related to this whole escapade, and in the middle of it the three goofballs start acting really weird for less reason than normal. It’s really starting to grate on his nerves, and judging by the look on Killian’s face she’s not having a great time listening to this all either. 

“So...yeah.” Lucas finishes up and clears his throat, his eyes darting this way and that. “We should start heading downstairs now, you know? ‘Cause, uh, even with all this extra time who knows what’s waiting for us down there.” He starts walking towards the elevator door, but Carey and Killian beat him there, drawing their weapons as they do. There’s a sudden tenseness in the air that was not there before. 

“The buck stops here, Lucas. We’re going to take you in.” Killian says. She sounds super pleased by this, and considering that she had to lose a member of the Regulators to Lucas being an idiot. 

“Woah, hey, hold on!” And of course, Magnus rushes in. Sazed watches with a kind of dull lack of surprise as the human hurries over, hands held up in what’s probably supposed to be a placating gesture. “Killian, we might need him to help us out down there! You’ve seen the rest of the lab, who knows what’s waiting for us!” 

“Magnus. Magnus? I appreciate you, you’re a big credit to this hellish expedition. But our job as Regulators is to take Lucas back to the moon base and face the music, and you guys’ job as Reclaimers is to get down there and get the Relic.” 

“I know-”

“Really, ‘cause it seemed like you needed a refresher.” She crosses her arms, which is impressive considering the size of her crossbow. “Look, we can’t let him near that Relic! He’s already fucked things up enough, we don’t need him making it worse.” 

“I-I take full offense to the idea that it was all my fault! I already told you-” 

“Yeah, yeah, tell it to Luc- The Director, Lucas.” Killian reaches for him and Lucas takes a step back just as Magnus takes a step forward. It looks almost like a fight is about to break out when Lucas sighs heavily. 

“Gang, we don’t have time for this.” And then he fiddles with something on his wrist and for a moment everything is very, very painful. Sazed finds himself on the ground before he even realizes it, and is very alarmed to find that not only can he not move, but it looks like the others are in the same predicament. Except for Lucas. That fucker. 

“Lucas!” Killian and Magnus yell at the same time, though Killian follows it up with a whole lot more swearing. Lucas hurries the rest of the way to the elevator, and as he steps inside he turns to them justbefore the doors close. 

“I am so, so sorry.” And then they shut. 

“I just want to go on record,” Taako says from his place on the floor. “And say that this is bullshit, and I hate you, Magnus. This is your fault.”

“That is totally fair. Sorry, Killian, I definitely thought Lucas was less of a boner than he is.” 

“He is a total shithead, and I am absolutely killing him when we get out of this.” Killian tries to move, but it’s pretty obvious that she can only move her arms enough to push herself up ever so slightly. Not nearly enough to go on a rampage of revenge like she wants. 

But this isn’t even the worst thing that could have happened, honestly. Sure, paralyzing is bad, but it should be easy enough to shake it off if it’s magic-based. It’s annoying, but not a death sentence. 

No, what is probably more of a death sentence is the sound of crystals clinking together and the sight of another golem assembling itself into the room. This one is different than the other ones, more humanoid but no less dangerous looking with those horrible spears in the place of hands. It’s not attacking immediately, which at first would seem good but...that probably just means whatever it is planning is going to be swift and terrible. 

Or, at least, one would think so. 

Instead what follows is the most pathetically hilarious fight ever, so much so that it doesn’t seem like anything that Sazed actually needs to step into. Considering how badly their last couple of meetings went, it’s kind of ridiculous that this golem- Kravitz, apparently- doesn’t do very well at holding his own against  _ tentacles.  _ And does even worse against being made to watch semi-cannibalism. Whatever crime the three doofuses have committed, it must not have been bad enough to send an actually competent law keeper after them. 

It’s a great thing he wasn’t very good at his job, because now they can properly focus on finishing  _ their  _ job: absolutely murdering Lucas, and maybe saving the world in the process. 

“You know, there’s something I don’t get.” Sazed finally says, after a good few minutes of just...walking through a bunch of deactivated robots. It’s a mess, and more than a little somber considering they’re basically walking around Noelle’s...family? Something? The creepiness factor is only upped by the dead, soulless eyes. He has to fill the quiet with something. 

“Oh! I bet I can guess what it is!” Magnus says with enthusiasm. 

“...Well now I’m just curious if you can.” 

“Is it about the dude Taako tentacled? Craveit? ‘Cause look, I’ve been in trouble with the law before, but at least I knew what that was about!” He glances at Taako and Merle, brow furrowed. “Did you two do anything?” 

“Not something that would warrant an extra planar cop, I can tell you that much for free.” Taako says, and shoots a meaningful glance Sazed-wards. About as subtle as he gets with ‘don’t say a word’. “Also, I haven’t done shit with you two bozos that would bring me to the slammer, so.” 

“See, I’m thinking that…” Sazed pauses, thinking for a moment. He doesn’t want Noelle to get mad, considering having a medic that actually sometimes heals has been pretty great. But also, she already knows they’re going to murder the shit out of Lucas. “I think maybe Lucas had something to do with it. Kravitz was looking for him, too, right? And even though I’ve been with the Reclaimers the whole time, he wasn’t interested in me at all.” 

He’s relieved when Noelle doesn’t seem to take offense, instead sighing in sort of a resigned way. Seeing Lucas paralyze them all must have changed her tune on him pretty dramatically. 

“I guess that’s maybe possible? But why wouldn’t he slap it on me and Killian too?” Carey rubs her chin in thought. “...Number limit? There’s any number of weird science things he could have made with the Philosopher's Stone.”

There’s a pause as they all think about the ramifications of that thought, but before the conversation can continue three bright white lights shoot down the corridor they’re on and back towards the robots. There’s general disruption of the previously still silence, which doesn’t bode well at all. It sounds like a lot of robots crashing into one another in a desperate attempt to leave the piles that they were strewn about in in the other room.

It’s a tense moment of staring down the darkness of the corridor, not being sure what’s going to come out from the other end. There’s more sounds of metal on metal, and then out of the shadows come three robots. The kind of robots that would have a totally sickass theme song to go with them and this fight. Because of  _ course  _ they’re going to have to fight these robots, especially once they all speak. There’s only a select few dumbasses that talk like Fantasy German, a sad droopy dog, and a biker parody.  

“I thought you were  _ dead _ !” Sazed sounds offended, because the group had gone through a lot of trouble to kill these fools. And now they’re in cool robots, which is just unacceptable. 

“Oh, yes darling, you killed us very good! Though, perhaps not you. Are you a new member of our adorable little Bureau?” The robot with Brian’s voice leans down a bit as if he’s scrutinizing Sazed. It makes his hackles rise up, both because he hates it when anyone (but mostly elves, it seems) do that and because  _ is ghost Magic Brian fucking kidding.  _

“I was right there next to Taako when we met! I helped kill your dumb spider!” He throws up his hands and a nasty look towards a snickering Taako. 

“Oh, yes! I’m terribly sorry, dear, you’re just rather, ah...forgettable! Compared to Taako and his utterly enchanting voice, that is.” 

It’s a good thing that he never got more expressive traits from his demon heritage, because it would be so painfully, embarrassingly obvious how pissed off and (even worse) jealous that statement makes him. It’s dumb, obviously, he’s perfectly aware that it is. But that doesn’t stop the bolt of emotion that shoots across him, and the only positive thing about it is that he can actually murder the object of his negativity this time. 

It turns out that swords are extremely effective on robots, as are explosions. He’s never been quite so pleased that he chose to follow a class that allows him to do both with enthusiasm and some amount of finesse. 

Of course you can only be dexterous for so long if you’re not a rogue or extremely lucky. 

He’s just ended up behind the robots, a little worse for wear but otherwise still in good condition, when he sees Taako reach into his bag. It takes a few moments for him to recognize the gravity bomb in his hand, but that’s unfortunately too long to stop him from throwing it at the feet of the robots. 

The entire world goes topsy turvy with a sickening lurch. It isn’t like earlier, with the anti-gravity chamber. This is wholly unexpected and unprepared for. Which, unfortunately, has the immediate effect of making Sazed unable to dodge when the group of robots lifts up directly towards him and slams him hard against the ceiling. The last things he’s really aware of is of his head slamming against the back of his helmet, a sickening crack, and yelling. He’s incredibly thankful for going unconscious, because it’s so nice not to have to deal with the immediate pain.

When he next wakes up, he’s staring at a different ceiling. There’s still yelling, some of which sounds like Magnus. There’s a robot above him, and at first his instinct is to tense, until he sees the NO-3113 one the side of its chasis. 

“Whuh...Noelle? What the hell happened?” He goes to sit up, a slight aching in his head. They’re next to a huge pile of robots, and he can immediately see Magnus menacing Lucas and...a stalactite with a human-shaped robot in it. Okay. Cool. 

“Oh, thank goodness. I was startin’ to get really worried about you! You were kinda crushed under the robots, it wasn’t real pretty.” Noelle pats at his head with one of her new arms, which does send a shock of pain through him. “How are you feelin’?”

“...Like I got hit by a ton of robots, I guess? Did I miss some important context for that robot up there, or…” Noelle seems to go quiet for a moment, which is never a good thing. 

“It’s...It’s his mom. That’s Maureen.” 

That’s...a lot to unpack, just in those two sentences. Lucas said his mother was dead, but then again so were Magic Brian and crew. Looking up proves that there’s the same weird glass window in her as there was in the other robots (and..Noelle...hm), as well as...Oh, hell, that’s a rock in her hand.

Even though it’s far away and being used by someone else, Sazed knows it’s a Relic the moment he locks eyes with it. He hasn’t had trouble with the Relics since the Gauntlet, since with the Oculus he never even got close and was too distracted by the fates of Hurley and Sloane to have interest in the Sash. The Stone is definitely calling to him, though, and if it wasn’t so far away he’d be tempted to grab it. That’s a lot of power in such a small item. It’d be hard to forget someone who wielded that much power… 

He goes to run his hand through his hair, something of a nervous habit he’s gotten when thinking, but is stopped and snapped out of his thoughts by bandages wrapped neatly around one of his horns. Which stops about three inches from where it should be. He freezes for a moment, and then buries his face into his hands. 

He’s going to fucking murder Taako. 

And just like that, somewhere a monkey’s paw curls in on itself as a giant, horrible skeleton made of ghosts bursts out of the gem mirror towards the group. Magnus almost immediately pisses it off, and after that is just  _ chaos. _

It doesn’t end badly, so long as you count getting smacked around by robots and having to watch a grown ass man eat a rock “okay”. He doesn’t know why Magnus ate the Stone. He doubts very, very much that Magnus knows why he ate the Stone. He is going to refuse to be around for when they have to get the damn thing out of him, because he’s gone through enough for one day. Enough that when Magnus decides to let Lucas go, he can't even bring himself to argue against it this time. The horrible little nerd is probably scared away from trying shit like this again, and even if he wants to the Stone is currently residing in Magnus. 

It isn’t until they’re unfortunately in Upsy again that Taako actually gets up close to him. The elf’s been avoiding him ever since the incident with the robots, which hasn’t exactly upset him. He’s still pissed about Taako managing to fuck him up because of how careless he was with the magic. Sure, it’s a cool story, but that doesn’t mean he has to be happy about it. 

“What.” He absolutely means to snap, and feels sort of pleased at Taako’s ears going down. Good. He should feel bad about this. 

“Fuck you too.” Taako hisses, elbowing him in the ribs, which hurts a decent amount because Taako is 80% bone. “So, I wasn’t worried or anything ‘cause Pan knows you’re built like a brick wall, but if you could do me a favor and not look like you’re about to croak again that’d be excellent. I mean,” And here he gives a sidelong look at Merle, who is still excitedly boasting about how awesome his final attack on Legion was. “We won’t have a lot of options if you do kick the bucket! Wanna avoid that entirely in the future, if you can.” 

Hearing that from Taako is as close as he’ll get to both an apology and a statement of worry. He’s said nearly the exact same thing before, when thieves attacked their wagon and Sazed ended up getting stabbed. 

“Sure. I don’t really have many plans to die in the near future, you know.” He says. Taako brightens up a bit and leans on him in the most obnoxious way possible. Like he’s forgotten the entire concept of personal space. 

“Good, because ho-lee shit I do not want Mags to freak out like that again. Have you ever seen a large man cry, it is absolutely ridiculous.” Taako keeps chattering and Sazed lets him, because it’s a hell of a lot better than listening to him pretend not to care some more. Besides. It’s better to let Taako think that he’s totally not mad at him so that he’s got the upper hand when he comes to collect for the horn later on. Because holy shit, he is not ever going to let this go, ever. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day school will leave me and I will take less time with chapters! Thank you all for being so patient!! 
> 
> Next chapter is going to involve the Interlude, but after that it's all Refuge, and let me tell you. Strap yourselves in, shit's gonna get real then.


	9. A Magical Conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magic lessons and the facts exposed during them.

“I don’t know why I have to be here.” 

It’s a few days after the events in Lucas’ lab. The Director had been firm about the Reclaimers taking a break to recuperate from the near-disaster, which may have been nice if there was actually much to do on the base. Sure, she could go off with Merle on some fancy spa day, but what about the rest of the BoB? Well, Magnus had his cutesy thing with Carey, and Taako…

Taako had dragged Sazed into a fucking  _ magic lesson  _ for  _ Angus.  _

“Pipe down grouchy. You said yourself you didn’t have any other plans, is helping out a magic boy  _ really  _ that terrible?” Taako reaches over and squishes up Angus’ cheeks so that he looks like a boy sized chipmunk. “Can you really say no to this face??”

“Is that a trick question.” But it’s true; even though he isn’t Angus’ biggest fan the little twerp has a way of growing on you. Especially when he looks so excited about learning magic. Isn’t he like, eleven? Shouldn’t he have learned something by now? 

“I-I was the one who asked Taako to bring you along, sir! I want to learn magic from many different points of view, because that will give me a more rounded experience!” Angus says, though his words are slightly muffled because of Taako’s squishing. “Sir, please, I’m not going to be able to say any spells if you keep messing with my face.” 

With a huff Taako lets go of him and kicks his feet up onto the tabletop. Even though all of this was his idea, he could not look less like he wants to be here. 

“Yeah, so, you’ll be putting out any fires Agnes starts here, Sazed. I know you’ve just been dying to put that fire resistance to use since Phandalin.” He starts swinging his Umbra staff, looking bored as hell. “Though I’m still kinda doubtful that shit even works. You got burnt back then, right?” 

“That’s not how it works and you know that.” Sazed rolls his eyes at Taako dismissing his complaint with a wave of his hand. He sits back and watches Taako start the “lesson” warily. Taako may have been being a jackass about him being here, but he knows well enough that the possibility of something going wrong is about one hundred percent, if previous patterns hold. 

But also he’s probably not going to help too much. Maybe it’s slight bitterness over the apparent appearance of a red robe in Lucas’ lab that he’d been completely unaware of until all of the Reclaimers were hauled into the Director’s office. It had been kind of a shock to realize that he not only hadn’t seen the red robe, but that whatever magic it had used had made it impossible to even be aware that there was another person in the room. He couldn’t blame the Director for being pissed, though it would have been nice if he hadn’t been dragged in with the other knuckleheads. 

It just feels like he missed something important. Something that a basic retelling of events (which he did get) can’t capture. 

It’s almost a relief when Angus summons something out of hell and they have to jump into murdering it as fast as possible. It’s pretty horrifying and rapidly cuts the thought processes off. 

“Gosh,” Angus says. “I didn’t um, I wasn’t really prepared for horror today! More like, the adventure genre maybe?” 

“Eh, don’t worry about it. I’ve seen worse, and the important part is that you actually summoned something! That’s- That’s half the battle, right there.” Taako pats Angus’ shoulder almost fondly. 

“I could tell you some shit about Taako’s attempts, kid.” Sazed says, only grimacing a little when Taako elbows him in the side. “Oh don’t get like that. You’re the one that dragged me here in the first place.” 

“Um-” Angus speaks up before they can properly get into bickering, which is probably for the best. Greatest Detective he might be, but he does seem to get legitimately distressed when people start arguing in front of him. “I was wondering...How did you two learn magic?”

Taako immediately finds something incredibly interesting on his umbrella, and Sazed sighs. Figures that he wouldn’t want to go into details immediately, even with someone like Angus. He should be thankful, probably? 

“Well...I was taught by my parents. I think they were expecting me to go to an actual magic school when I was old enough, but uh…” He rubs the back of his head, grimacing a bit when his hand brushes against the now dulled nub of his horn. “You’ve probably noticed that I’m not the best at magic. Not enough to warrant going to school, anyhow.” 

“Oh, but there are lots and lots of great scholars that never went to actual school, sir!” Angus sounds so enthused and thrilled it’s...kind of hard not to get caught up in his kiddy excitement. Taako makes a gagging motion behind Angus and it takes a whole lot of effort not to just laugh.

"That's nice of you to say, but I know better than that." He waves a hand to cut off Angus' continued talking. "It's not a bad thing, kid. Not all of us can be uh- Cockney Cleaver?" 

"Did- Is that- Did you do that on purpose?" Angus sounds a little exasperated. "Because I know you know what his name is, I gave you all the books I had that I wasn't still reading!" 

“Ango if I tell you my tragic backstory will you stop making Sazed looked like a startled deer.” Taako says as he lounges half on his seat. Angus perks up at that, and it takes all of Sazed’s self-control not to sigh in relief. He’s as bad at talking to kids as Taako, but he actually feels self conscious about it. 

“Oh, well, of course it’s only if you’re comfortable with it, sir! I wouldn’t want to overstep any personal boundaries.” Angus is pretty bad at sounding unenthusiastic, which is cute. 

“Oh please Agnes, I ain’t offering anything that I can’t take right back.” Taako leans forward, still grinning but less like he’s about to bulshit. Probably because, as much as he likes to pretend otherwise, he likes Angus enough to trust him a little bit. And it’s not like Sazed doesn’t already know everything. “I didn’t really have all that fancy pants “”teaching”” or whatever. But I used to have this cooking show- You probably know about it, huh Ango?” 

“I mean, you have talked about it a lot sir. It’s almost your catchphrase!” 

“Right, right. Weeelll, I mostly learned hot tips and tricks during that. Transmutation magic is pretty good for making simple stuff look fancy, and I figured, hey, why not pick up on it and try something new and a la Taako?” Taako sighs and twirls a strand of hair around a finger. “Pro tip: mixing magic and food never ends well. There’s a reason you aren’t seeing my gorgeous face on TV anymore.” Angus looks absolutely riveted at that, and judging by the way he keeps reaching into his breast pocket, he’s having a hard time not pulling out his little notebook and writing down everything Taako’s saying. 

“Wh-Why is that, sir? Did something happen?” 

“I mean...yeah, kinda.” Taako glances at Sazed, who is very careful to keep his expression neutral. This is dangerous territory. “I, uh...during my last show, I transmuted the dish into something you shouldn’t eat, and...a lot of people died. I was waaay too confident with my magic, did a lot of preeetty useless changes so…Now I just avoid giving anyone I really care about the food I make. Y’know, to be safe.” 

It’s a pretty big admittance, and even more impressive that he’s said it out loud. Forget trusting Angus, he’s clearly feeling confident in ways he hasn’t been before. The fact that he’s so sure he won’t be made fun of says a lot, and the fact that he’s right says even more. 

“Oh…gosh, sir, I’m sorry to hear that.” Angus pauses and he seems to go a little pale. “But, um, you  _ did  _ let me eat those macaroons you made for Candlenights!” 

“Oh, er, I guess I did, huh. Ehh, well, Sazed helped me make them. Safety over quality, you know?” Taako says, cackling when Sazed flips him off. Screw what he thought earlier, Taako is clearly the same insufferable dick as always. Being a little open doesn’t mean he’s changed. 

Angus seems comforted by the idea that Taako didn’t intentionally let him maybe be poisoned, in any case. And their little talk seems to have given him the inspiration to just be better at magic, because by the end of the afternoon he’s managed to make his Mage Hands a bit more functional than the screaming abomination he created earlier. He’s ridiculously proud of it, which is almost enough to make  _ Sazed  _ proud. Clearly the kid is rubbing off on him.

Taako casts Blink and books it the second that lunch starts, which is entirely expected if slightly annoying because he does it without any prior warning whatsoever. Probably going to steal the best food from the kitchen before anyone notices he’s in there. 

This does have the unfortunate effect of leaving him with Angus, but honestly the kid’s eleven and has spent a lot of time solving pretty dangerous mysteries. He doesn’t need his hand held every second of the day, and if he does Sazed sure as hell isn’t going to be the one to do it. He can probably just sort of…leave without it being a big thing-

“Sir?”

Ah, dammit. 

“Taako’s probably going to be out of the kitchen getting chased by the cooks soon, if that’s what you’re wondering.” He says. He tries not to sound too antsy, but he really just wants to go, do his own thing, and stop being bored. 

“Oh, no, um. Actually, I was wondering if it would be okay to ask you something about Taako? I-I understand if that’s crossing the line but I am, uh. Very curious. And you’ve been friends with him the longest, right?” Angus fiddles with his notebook, not looking at Sazed but instead finding something very interesting to focus on around his shoe area. That’s the main issue with avoiding kids for years and years. When you finally have to deal with them, you are far weaker to their honest earnestness than you might be otherwise. 

“...Yeah alright. But we should probably leave if we’re gonna talk, because I know Taako won’t appreciate it much.” Sazed shrugs and starts walking out of the cafeteria. Angus skitters after him with much enthusiasm. 

They don’t exactly go far. There’s plenty of places to go if you want to have a private conversation on the moonbase, but since they’re dealing with Taako here none of those places are going to be very helpful when he can just use magic to force his way in. So they end up at the quad, sitting down on one of the stone benches. Angus is still too short to reach the ground and ends up swinging his legs as he looks up at Sazed over his glasses. 

“So, um, I’m just...curious about what he said back there! Taako usually isn’t, well. That open? And you probably know him best, right?” 

“Kid, I don’t think anyone, even Taako, knows Taako best. He’s an enigma wrapped in a pain in the ass,” Sazed says. “But I at least have known him the longest out of this crew of ours, so I’ll try to help.” No skin off his nose. It’s not like it’s something Angus couldn’t piece together himself, in any case. 

“Well...maybe so. But I want to make sure I can understand him the best I can!” Angus nods to himself, then readies his pen. “So. ...Did what he said happened really happen like that? I-I suppose he wouldn’t lie about that but, um, it seems…”

“Suspicious, right? But, you should know that the Taako you know right now, well, he’s definitely changed even in just a couple of months.” An understatement. “During Sizzle it Up he was a lot less careful. And he messed up. It happens, but it was just worse because he used magic all the time.” Sazed shrugs, doing his best to seem as unaffected by this as possible. Angus is smart and he doesn’t want to tip him off to anything because the kid will latch onto any mystery he senses.

“Oh…” Angus chews on the end of his pen, looking troubled. It’s probably tough for him to hear that someone he thinks is so cool killed a lot of people by accident. Especially since as far as he knows it was by magic, which he’s been so excited to learn. “Um. You’re a really good friend, for sticking with him!” 

What. 

“What?” He doesn’t mean to sound as startled as he does, but that  _ did  _ sort of come out of nowhere. More questions he could have seen coming, but not compliments. 

“Well, sir, I know very well that most people would want to leave as soon as something that terrible happened, but you stuck around! Mr. Taako is very lucky to have such a good friend.” Angus beams and pats Sazed’s hand in what has to be the least condescending way he’s ever experienced. He thought all kids were supposed to be horrible little hellions, not adorable and kind to jerks. 

“You’re way too nice, Angus. I-” 

“There you two are!” Taako’s voice cuts him off before he can say much, and then the elf is beside them and giving Angus a noogie. “I swear to god if one of you chucklefucks has learned Blink behind my back I’m gonna be knocking some heads together because that’s my gag.” 

“Sorry sir! We really didn’t want to get yelled at by the kitchen staff again…” Angus attempts to squirm out of Taako’s grip and gives Sazed a pleading look as the tiefling starts to edge away. “Sir, please, I spent a lot of time on my hair this morning.” 

“Aha, this is what you get for leaving me to deal with my crimes on my own!” Taako cackles and then points at Sazed while putting Angus in a headlock. “You’re next, fucker, don’t think I don’t know that you spilled juicy secrets to Ango while I was gone!”

“...Are you seriously threatening me, Taako.” Sazed can’t not sound amused at that. “I mean, good luck, if you really want to waste a spell slot on that.” 

“C’mon Angus we gotta set up a cage match between this fucko and Magnus and not split the profits at all.” Taako starts dragging Angus off despite the other’s objections with things like “the Director won’t like that” and “Magnus will like it TOO much”. Sazed is as glad as ever that it’s impossible for Taako to drag him around like that without a lot of convincing. 

At least it seems like he’s been freed from having to watch Angus struggle through magic, for the day. Taako is almost definitely going to coerce him into it again later on, but at least now he has time to himself. And time to prepare himself for the inevitable fight with Magnus, because he just  _ knows  _ that even though Taako meant it as a joke, he’s going to think about it seriously later on.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writes some intense fluff before I get into the crux of this fic, finally. I love Angus so much he's perfect


	10. Refuge Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's TIME for what everyone has been waiting for! People will be CLOCKED in the head, TICKen to the edge of what they can handle, and STOP WATCHing the mysteries fly by unaccounted for! 
> 
> Things go as planned. Things do not go as planned.

It turns out that for a store that has mostly sold weapons of mass chaos and unnerving blood trades, Fantasy Costco has a really impressive array of summer clothing. Clothing that seems to come from nowhere, mind, but that’s hardly the weirdest thing about a Fantasy Costco being on a moon. 

Sazed had tried his best to pretend that he super wasn’t up for fashion shopping right before a mission, but the other three’s enthusiasm for summer looks proves completely contagious. Before he knew what was happening, Taako’s picked out some clothes for him and shoved him into a changing room that was one hundred percent not there the last time they went shopping. 

“Uhh.” He says once he sees what Taako’s picked out for him. You would think that choosing clothes to go out onto an important mission in a desert would be less… fancy. “Did you get me the wrong clothes?” 

“Haha, what? No, just try those on, you’ll look great. Better than your usual fashion choices, anyhow.” Taako is definitely having way too much fun with this. He barely ever gets to dress Sazed up, so this is probably a thrill a minute. 

Sazed looks doubtfully at the clothing. It isn’t anything unusual, honestly; a short sleeved, patterned red shirt and white shorts. It’s something that people wear all the time around the base regardless of the weather. But Taako is right in that it’s pretty far out of Sazed’s fashion wheelhouse. But he’s probably lucky that the elf actually chose some functional clothing rather than whatever’s actually in vogue planetside. 

He steps out and is studying himself doubtfully in the mirror when Taako steps out of his own changing booth. He’s- Well. It’s a good thing that Sazed isn’t busying himself with anything at that moment because he’d absolutely drop or stumble. 

Taako pulls off popular fashions way easier than he does, as evidenced by the way he is absolutely  _ working  _ the skirt he’s got on right now. The mauve contrasts great against his skin, and the length is er...definitely flirty on purpose. This isn’t the first time he’s seen Taako in a skirt, but it’s been a while since Taako’s seemed interested in wearing one. And they haven’t been quite this fun. 

“Oh,” He says after a moment of staring. “You did this on purpose.” 

“Hell yeah, my dude. You think I’m gonna hang around only dudes who have zero sense of style all the time? Nah, I need some arm candy  _ sometimes _ .” Taako looks smug as hell, and reaches over to plop some sunglasses on Sazed’s head. “And the piece de reh-sis- _ tahnce _ .” 

“I do not need sunglasses, now you’re just being ridiculous-” 

The door from the other changing rooms slams open and Merle stands there, in all of his horrible fashion glory, while Magnus strikes a pose just behind him. It’s like looking into the sun, if the sun was cut off jodhpurs. 

“Nevermind, Taako, I absolutely need these.” Sazed flips the glasses over his face while Taako mimes dying. 

“Oh my god, my eyes have gone right to hell! What are you two  _ wearing _ ?!” 

“What? We’re wearing summer clothes! Pft, you’re just jealous, Taako.” Magnus grins and ducks out of the way of a swinging umbrella and Taako’s insulted yelling. It’s super easy to tune the three of them out, because you have to once you live with them for even a minute. 

It’s also easy because he’s stuck on what the Director told them about the Chalice. Sure they’ve had their fair share of incredibly dangerous Relics, but something that allows you to bend time to your will seems extra dangerous considering who’s going after it. And yes, he is absolutely putting himself on that dangerous list, because he knows exactly what he’d use it for. 

The thoughts of what the Chalice could be used for is enough to distract him for most of the way down planetside. Which is better than being distracted by possible imminent death via a small child operating dangerous machinery. 

At least getting planetside has the positive effect of having Avi there. He seems tense and uncertain when explaining the giant cannon, which doesn't seem to be caused only by three giant worms that attacked not minutes ago.

“So how sure are you that we aren't gonna step into this thing and die?” Merle says as he tries his hardest to look at the Jaegerbomb thoughtfully. 

“Uhh a good 80, 90 percent? Look I've made it as safe as an, aha, admittedly screaming metal death trap into an unknown time void can be. You guys cannot find any safer way into this bubble.” Avi sounds pretty confident considering that description. There's really not much in the way of other choices, though, so the only thing to do is pile into the cannonball. 

It’s- It’s impossible to describe the feeling of breaking the sound barrier in a giant cannonball. It isn’t  _ just  _ that you go fast. Fast is what went on during the battle wagon races, or when they were barreling down towards Neverwinter. This is on a whole other level and it seems to stretch on for eons at the same time as speeding by in the blink of an eye. This would make a great fantasy rollercoaster provided it doesn’t kill them on impact. 

When the white space appears it is terrifying in so, so many ways. Despite having looked directly into the Astral Plane, he doesn’t exactly know what it looks like when you die. It’s only a few seconds that they’re there, which is just enough to time to realize that he still  _ feels  _ alive, and that there’s a little old woman bent over a cup- no, not that’s a Chalice, for certain. She looks up and when she spots them, her mouth falls open a little. 

“It’s you,” She says, almost like it’s a dream come true. “...Find me.” 

And then the white room shuts off like a light and they find themselves not crashing, not dying, but just lying in front of a sign and what looks like an utterly charming little town. Not exactly what’s expected after such a terrifying ride. 

The sign says Refuge, and that is hardly the dangerous sounding name of a town trapped in a time bubble that one might expect. Maybe things will be easier than the Director expected, and they’ll actually be able to fix this with a minimum of issue. A day off in a pleasant little desert town doesn’t sound like the worse thing ever, actually.

\--

All hopes of something simple are crushed by the end of the first loop. First there were all the issues with Roswell, and getting arrested (thanks Taako!!), and the whole thing with Cassidy and the earthquakes. Even that could have been saved, maybe, but when they run outside to the source of the commotion and find the bank on fire things start to seem wildly hopeless.

Helping isn't even a question at this point. As far as they know they're stuck in this bubble for the foreseeable future, and who knows how much air will be taken up by a fire, or if any fresh air is even getting in? And since this particular issue isn’t even their fault for once, it’s not like it’d be right to just leave this adorable little town to burn. 

That heroism mostly leaves Sazed once the bank collapses and the earthquakes start up again. 

“You know we should, at the very least, probably move away from the flaming wreckage!” He shouts over the chiming of the clock tower, which has picked a really bad time to start announcing noon in a cheery manner. “I don’t think we’re going to be useful if-” 

He’s cut off by a screaming rumble from the ground below them as it opens up, a crack at least ten feet wide and who knows how deep splitting the space between them and rushing towards the clock tower. Smaller fissures branch out from the main and he watches with mute horror as one of them trips Magnus, who had been trying to get to the unconscious dwarven woman, and he goes sprawling...directly into the hole. 

It’s horrifying in a sort of numb way. They’ve all been in mortal danger during these missions before, but none of them have...died. And there’s no way Magnus has made it through that fall, unless he’s gotten really lucky or it seems deeper than it actually is. It happened so fast, so immediately, that none of them could even react with a thrown spell or warning. 

Of course none of that really matters in the end, because  _ none  _ of them could avoid the intense explosion and fiery death that happens almost immediately after. For Sazed, there is nothing familiar-adjacent about death. It is quick, and it is vicious, and not at all like how he’d thought it’d go. For one thing, he’s still thinking in a decidedly aware way, and for another he’s in the white space again alongside the other three who look similarly startled. 

He isn’t even able to get a hold of himself before they’re being thrown back onto the dusty red soil of Refuge. Sazed sits up, his hands flying towards where he swears he can still feel the crushing pain of death. But nothing’s wrong, and he’s reasonably certain that he’s still alive. 

“What the hell  _ was that _ ?!” Magnus says more than a little frantically. “You guys died too right?? That wasn’t just me?” 

“Uh,” Merle says, still lying on the ground. “No, that was a whole team building exercise right there. What the hell?” 

Sazed stands, still a little unsteady on his feet, and starts when he sees Roswell still standing at attention at the gate to Refuge. They don’t seem to recognize them, however, because the moment they see them they chirp out the same exact line that they’d used the first time. It’s identical down to the cadence. 

It’s easy to come to the realization that they’ve looped. Genre savvy they are not, but when everything is perfectly the same to something that feels like it just happened, there’s not a lot of room for denial. This quick realization is good because they’re able talk their way into having slightly more freedom to roam around the town than last time. 

That’s how they end up at the Davy Lamp, still a bit thrown off by the time nonsense. It’s a pretty nice place, and it reminds Sazed of some of the more well-off rural towns they used to end up at for the show. It feels homey and calm, never mind the ruffians that were just thrown out. If it weren’t for the horrible catastrophe that is about to hit the town, again, it would be a really nice place to swindle some poor suckers out of their gold. 

He would totally want to join Magnus and Merle in their attempts to be pests, but Taako takes him by the arm and drags him over to the bartender before he can make the choice himself. If nothing else, Taako is really good at telling when a con is going to go tits up and when to avoid getting tangled in it. 

The dark elf bartender takes one look at them and her eyes go wide as dinnerplates. For a moment Sazed worries that she’s going to use that wand of hers on them as well, but then she clasps her hands together and gasps in delight. 

“Oh my god, you’re  _ Taako! _ And-” She cranes around Taako a bit and her eyes light right up when she sees Sazed, which is not a reaction he’s used to getting. “Sazed too?! Oh my gosh, this is amazing- What are you two doing here in Refuge??” 

Taako shoots a look at Sazed that asks ‘should we know this gal?’ before turning to her with a bright smile. 

“It’s always nice to meet a fan. And you must be a dedicated one, too, to recognize both of your sizzlin’ boys.” Taako may say this with the utmost confidence but it is easily the worst thing he’s ever said. The woman seems delighted, though. 

“Yeah! Uh, I was there for your show in the Underdark, with the quiche lorraine! It was so inspiring...It was what made me start cooking!” She looks almost bashful at that, before putting out her hand towards Taako. “Oh, my name is Ren. I still can’t believe...especially in such a small town as this!” 

“Oh, it’s lovely to meet you Ren. Well me and my associates are spending some time around certain towns, looking for new inspirations. I mean, obviously the, ah, cooking show you know and love has been on hiatus for a while, but that’s not gonna stop us!” Taako grins and leans against the bar counter, and Sazed has to resist the urge to roll his eyes. This isn’t even Taako just trying to get information or anything, he’s just a glutton for attention. 

“That’s amazing to hear! Can I get you anything by the way? It’s on the house for you guys!” Then Ren peers past them and scowls, her hand hovering over her wand again. “Hey you two! Pay the men their diamonds, don’t start shit in my bar.” 

It doesn’t take the world’s greatest detective to figure out who’s “starting shit”, and the exasperated look on Taako’s face just proves his suspicions. God damn it. They can’t leave those two alone for five minutes, even when they’re still in the same room. 

“Ugh, Taako, Sazed, are these guys with you?” Ren says with the ages-old exasperation of a bartender who has dealt with horseshit way too often. 

“God no. Do you see what they’re wearing? I’d never let groupies not fit the dress code, you know?” Taako tosses his hair and gives Merle and Magnus the most unimpressed look ever. “Give them their diamonds!” 

It’s pretty hilarious watching the other two try to first talk their way out of paying off whatever new and exciting debt they’ve acquired, and then hightailing it out of the Davy Lamp. It would probably be a lot more annoying if this wasn’t a time loop. 

Taako seems to get pretty impatient pretty quick with just hanging around and talking to Ren, which is a shame. She’s nice, and it’s really,  _ really  _ rare to meet people who are still such avid fans of the show. But they’re definitely going to meet her again, so he goes along with Taako back outside without much complaint. 

He goes with Merle to find Cassidy and it goes about as well as one might think. Sure, he doesn’t get hit in the head with a shovel, but dying almost immediately after doesn’t hit the top ten best things to experience. Still, it isn’t as frightening as it was the first time. 

The loops after that aren’t any less stressful or upsetting, but at least they feel easier as they make their way through the mysteries of Refuge. Sometimes it’s literal mysteries like the issue with forcing their way through the trapped lockers, and sometimes it’s deeper ones like everything involving the rest of the damn town. Then there’s the uncomfortable feeling that they only have a limited number of chances before the old woman succumbs to whatever’s causing her so much anguish. 

It’s near the end of the god-we-hope-this-is-almost-the-last loop. After all of that...experience in the bank with Roswell, they’ve just barely made it to the Temple of Istus. The brothers have raised it, and the destruction of the town is rapidly closing in on them. Taako, Merle, and Magnus are able to make it inside, but as soon as the last parts of them cross the threshhold, Sazed sees the doors of the temple slam shut. The roar of the fire behind him is barely enough to keep his confusion at bay. Luckily it kills him pretty quick, and he wakes up in front of Refuge again like always. 

Of course, this time, there are a few more differences. 

“What the hell was all that about? Did you guys get in and talk to Istus?” He says as soon as he sees that the other three are also here, and not somehow shoved out of the time bubble by the goddess. It also comes to his attention more or less immediately that uh,  _ obviously  _ they talked to Istus, because where else would Magnus have gotten such a sweet clock hand spear? 

“Oh jeeze, there you are dude!” Magnus walks over and picks him up with very little effort, slinging an arm around his shoulder. “We were wondering why you didn’t get in! Istus said some pretty vague shit about it but I’m glad you’re okay! Oh, check out this cool spear I got!” 

“Yeah, yeah, it’s really cool. So, wait, you guys...actually spoke to Her? Not an emissary or something?” 

“No, but get this: we’re totally emissaries now! Yeah, seems like we’re finally recognized as the talented folks we are sometimes…” Merle strokes his beard in what’s sure to seem contemplative but just comes off as kind of dusty. “Probably good you weren’t there, though. Th’Lady was pretty intimidatin’.” 

“Well, shit.” He doesn’t mean to sound disappointed, but meeting a goddess would have been pretty cool. “You’re gonna have to catch me up once we fix all of this, then. Maybe she’ll include me, too.” 

They make it down to the correct shaft in record time, thanks both to knowing Roswell’s command word and Magnus’ spear. It’s actually kind of frightening, knowing that one fuck up could spell the actual end for them rather than just a mistake and reset. Issac doesn’t make it any easier for them, that’s for damn sure. Sazed cannot honestly believe that he’s found someone more insufferable and frustrating to deal with than Taako, but Issac really takes the cake. 

Luckily he doesn’t actually seem to be any good at dealing with a bunch of lovable goofballs doing everything they can to confuse and get past him. He’s just a hair too slow to deal with Taako Mage Handing the Chance Lance directly into the bubble containing June. Time freezes, except for the four of them, and pure white light comes pouring out from the Chalice in June’s hands. It washes over them like a blanket and between one moment and the next, they’re in...not the mineshaft. 

It’s like the Davy Lamp, if the Davy Lamp was washed out and populated entirely by eerie shadows. The cheery piano music doesn’t quite fit in with the looks, and it’s enough to send shivers up spines. June is sitting across from them at the table they’re all at, still holding the Chalice tightly in her withered hands. She doesn’t look as bad off as she had before, and when she looks at them there’s a certain light in her eyes. 

“Hello boys. I...I wanna make you an offer. Will you hear me out?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah you've got that right, this isn't going to be a one and done deal! It'll probably be a three parter in all, so you have that to look forward to! 
> 
> I am fully making terrible puns because I know you've all been waiting with bated breath for this part and it's not even involving what you're hoping for! Whoops!!
> 
> EDIT: thank you to sakurasapprentice for helping me realize how i fucked up with the formatting! it's fixed now and I hope it's more legible!!


	11. The Chalice's Offering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What would you do if you could change everything? What if you were offered nigh-unlimited power, and could use it however you wanted?

June- No, the Chalice, not June. It’s super unclear how much of June is in the Chalice, and how much of the Chalice is just taking on her form. She doesn’t look as old as she had before; now she looks like she’s closer to the age she should be. She’s not paying attention to Sazed, instead quietly concentrating on the task at hand. Which seems to be...a quick rewinding of memories, which he quickly realizes are his own. It’s unnerving, watching things flash by from an outsider’s perspective and knowing that this ridiculously powerful Relic is silently judging it all. 

She skips past most of his time at the Bureau, slows a bit during the Sizzle it Up portions, and then stops briefly at a time just before he met Taako. 

“...Hm. Maybe you can help me understand somethin’.” She says, before continuing her rewinding. “You’re the only member of your group not to have a load of static at around this time. Do you know why?” 

That’s enough to distract him from watching the memories fly by, and he looks at her in confusion. Static...doesn’t make a lot of sense. Maybe if it was only one of them, it could be passed off as some sort of curse, but all three and at the same time? It seems pretty damn unlikely. 

“Not...that I know of?” He can’t help but to sound uncertain. It feels like if he says the wrong thing to the Chalice things will not end well for him. “What, uh. What are you looking for, anyways?” 

“Hm. Well, in order to make a good offer to y’all, I have to understand you better. And a lotta that is gonna be in your pasts.” She slows and then finally stops, nodding at the scene in front of them. It’s easy to recognize, because Sazed couldn’t possibly forget the place where he grew up. It’s frozen in time like a snapshot taken without the subjects noticing. He very stubbornly does not look in the corner where a chubby cheeked tiefling is pretending he knows how to read the books on magic that are piled high next to him. 

“Ergh, do we  _ really  _ have to go through my entire life? Because I can tell you right now what’s there: lots of embarrassing things I’d rather not relive.” He doubts that the Chalice is particularly fooled, but it’s still a relief when she nods instead of judging him for trying to lie. 

“No, I guess not. This isn’t where the important parts start, anyhow.” She starts fast-forwarding through time again, concentration etched into her features. Images flicker in front of them until it stops in a dimly lit bar scene, one of those places that would get a zero star rating on Fantasy Yelp, if it was lucky. 

“Let’s start with the night you first met Taako.” 

Just ahead, beyond the small crowd that’s in the tavern, it’s clear to see Sazed and Taako sitting at the bar together. This night is clear in his mind, of course. He’d been taking a break during work hours since it was a slow night, and Taako had walked in before immediately flirting with him. 

It's weird, seeing the way he'd interacted with Taako that first time. Now he can see the way that the elf’s ears went back and his nose scrunched up was more of a hint at him trying not to be super rude, rather than it just being a charming character quirk. But he remembers being utterly charmed by Taako’s personality. It's...embarrassing in retrospect. 

“You seemed to cotton on to him awful quick.” The chalice says after a moment of watching. “Was he really so interesting?”

“Well,” He says. “I guess. I didn't exactly know a lot of social nuances back then. June can probably relate- Living in a smaller town...you don't always learn how to deal with charismatic pretty boys.”

The Chalice hums in a distinctly non-committal way, and the memory shifts. It’s not far ahead in time from the last one. 

He and Taako are in his old room together, which admittedly wouldn’t normally let him narrow down the specific night. But he doubts the Chalice would show him something irrelevant. 

“So, did you think about my  _ brilliant  _ proposal?” The memory-Taako says, drawing both current and past Sazed’s attention to him. Taako is laying on the bed and taking up approximately all of the space, including some of Sazed’s lap. 

“I dunno. It sounds good, but you’re a talent at making things sound good.” Past Sazed says, and it’s embarrassing to remember saying that to Taako of all people. Man. He’d thought going through his childhood would be the worst, but it turns out that having to watch him be all gaga over Taako is so much worse. 

“Duh,” Taako says. “But we could do it. I’ve got the magic and the cooking skills and the looks. You’ve got the beef and brains. We can make a helluva a team, don’t you think?” 

“Well…” Past Sazed smiles a bit and it’s infuriating to know that there’s nothing to change it. Well. There is, but nothing good. “Someone does need to keep an eye on you, and drive the wagon besides.” 

The memory stops just as Taako throws his arms around Sazed’s neck and starts to say something probably very clever, and the Chalice turns to look at current Sazed. 

“The next evening you went off with Taako, to start Sizzle it Up With Taako. You took care of most of the physical and managerial tasks, while Taako became the face of the show.” The Chalice concentrates for a moment, and then straightens up. “I can see  _ when  _ your attitude changed, but I don’t know why.”

The scene changes again, melting into a misty clearing in a forest. The wagons are there, parked for the night, and there’s the remains of a fire near the larger one. The moon (or maybe it’s just the result of being in a quasi-real place) illuminates the scene well enough to see Sazed sitting against the smaller wagon. The expression on his face is clear as day, and it says all kinds of angry things.

“Taako and you had a fight. It wasn’t the first, nor was it the worst. Yet it changed your outlook. Why?” Sazed furrows his brow at the Chalice’s tone, which is just as curious as it is accusing. Even for being an eldritch artifact of unspeakable power, it likely still has issues with obscure emotions. 

“...Look. I’m not an idiot, alright? I know that I’ve got…” He gestures, and huffs out a frustrated breath. “Jealousy issues, I guess. So back then I figured it was probably me being oversensitive or something. Not used to Taako’s brand of snark. But- If I’m remembering the right fight, I guess I realized Taako really was that much of a shithead, and nothing I was doing was going to change that.” 

He tries not to sound bitter. He fails. 

“I see. And this was...a surprise to you?” For a quietly pleasant Grand Relic, the Chalice really knows how to barb its words. 

“...I guess so, yeah. I liked him. Liked him enough to go off into the middle of nowhere on some dumbass plan. Enough that I should have asked for more when we started rather than waiting.”

This is almost cathartic. This is the sort of stuff he doesn't admit to, even in the quiet of his own mind. And he means what he says, because it doesn't seem like the Chalice has much interest in judging him yet. Even though that's probably just because he hasn't given it an answer yet, it's a nice little touch. 

“But you didn't,” It says. “You brought up co-hosting with Taako more than once. Sometimes he would let you on the stage, but never for anything very important. Most times he would give excuses.”

“Yeah. They kept getting dumber and more transparent every time I asked. Never got a decent answer about why he didn't want me on there.”

The scene has changed into just before the Glamour Springs show, at the food prep table. Sazed’s heart drops into his stomach and even though he wants to turn away, he can't seem to tear his eyes from the scene. His past self is walking up to one of the bowls holding the sauce that's going to be put over the 30 clove chicken, and he's holding a small bottle in one hand.

“Why did you poison this specifically? Did you want to kill all those people, Sazed?” The Chalice isn't looking at him, instead steadily staring as he pours the arsenic into the bowl. It was a lot. More than enough. 

“No, that- I just…” He trails off before noticing how badly his hands sting. Huh. He hadn’t even notices that he’d been clenching his hands into fists. “I wanted to put it into one of Taako’s drinks. Not all of it, just enough to make him sick and put him out of commission long enough that I could do a show. But...Taako came into the room earlier than I thought he would. I panicked.” 

It was a dumb mistake, but he’d thought it could still work out. He could count the number of times Taako didn’t test the food on one hand, and he had antidote close by. It wouldn’t even be considered strange, since not being prepared for possible poisonings when you were a big time cooking show would be seen as dumb at best. 

“You waited in the smaller wagon for an alarm to go up that would let you know that Taako had eaten the food, but that never happened, because Taako never tasted it.” The Chalice turns to look at him now. “Instead, Taako thought that he had poisoned the crowd. He told you, and the two of you ran from Glamour Springs without looking back. 

“Sazed, I gotta ask. Why did you bother to stay? You could have left without being seen, without even a question thrown your way. Taako thought that it was his fault. I doubt he would have blamed you, even if you’d told him to his face you were leaving.” 

He rubs the back of his head, remembering that night all too easily. It wasn’t even a full year ago! And the Chalice isn’t even wrong, because had he just kept going instead of stopping, he never would have been tempted to stay. 

“...Guess I just felt bad for him. It was  _ pathetic,  _ seeing him in that state.” He mumbles. He’s still not entirely positive why he stayed. You would think that several months would give him plenty of time to think, but considering that most of those months involved training or deadly missions there’s been a surprising lack of thinking period. 

The Chalice is quiet for a moment, and then the memory is rewinding from the night after Glamour Springs to the moment before Sazed pours the arsenic into the bowl.

“You made a mistake. But if you claim me, Sazed, you would be able to fix it. With me in your power, you could change the outcome of this however you wanted. Taako may have fed these poor people their deaths, but it’s  _ your fault. _ And,” It says. “I did tell Taako about this as well. This was his worst day, after all.”

And with that it’s like he never left the shadowy Davy Lamp. The other three are sitting at the same table, with varying amounts of emotions on their faces. Well. He doesn’t look at Taako, he doesn’t know what he looks like. Probably angry. Murderous, maybe. 

“I’ve given you all my offer.” The Chalice says from across them. “You know what I can give you. So, I wanna know what your answers are.” 

Magnus rubs at his eyes in distress, and it's never been more obvious that he was just bawling right before this moment. 

"Yeah, uh, I can go first. So..." He sniffles a bit and it's pretty, uh, worrying. Something that could make Magnus cry that much and in fact still affect him must have been pretty rough. "This is...something that I've been wanting for ages. This is like all of my dreams in one. I...really want to do this, but..." He takes a deep breath and then his face settles into something determined and much more Magnus-like. "But it's not what Julia would have wanted. So I'm gonna have to take a hard pass." 

Not really that surprising. Magnus is pretty much the nicest person in the entire realm, it's pretty much impossible to imagine him taking something like this just for his own personal gain. 

"Gonna be on the same team as Magnus, here." Merle seems to be the least affected out of all of them. He looks like he's just come out of a particularly nice relaxation session, rather than reliving all of his most painful moments. "It's my philosophy that you just gotta go with the flow, chill out, and uh, take what's given to you! No matter how hard that may be. So, yeah, not interested." 

Sazed isn't expecting Taako to go next, and the elf's silence proves that pretty well. But he still isn't sure of his own answer, honestly. 

On the one hand, this could be the best choice he's ever made for himself. Go back in time, stop himself from poisoning a bunch of innocent people, maybe even get the acclaim he should have gotten from working with Taako in the first place. But the other hand is a similar vein of thinking that he had the night after Glamour Springs. It would be amazingly shitty of him to take on the Chalice just because he wants to do this thing for himself. Plus, thinking about it more, if he took the Chalice and killed Taako, what would that do to the timeline? The other Grand Relics would still exist, but there would be one less Reclaimer to grab them and stop catastrophes from happening. In fact, even if he didn't kill Taako but took some other route, neither of them would be able to approach the Bureau. There would be a lot more disasters than there are already. 

And then...there's the things that the Chalice told him, maybe without realizing how he'd take it. 

Like the static. What's that even about? If an all-powerful Relic doesn't know why these fools have huge gapes in their memory, then it has to be something even more powerful hiding it from them. But not from Sazed. And there are a lot of things like that in this group, now that he's started thinking about it. Like the Red Robe only talking to the other three in Lucas' lab, and not him. Or the entire thing with the death counts. None of it makes a whole lot of sense if you think of it as something that should affect the Reclaimers as a group, but if you take out Sazed...it gets clear that there's something going on with the three of them. Something that goes beyond just normal strangeness. 

And he isn't a part of it. 

"I've already made my decision, too." He says, and the Chalice looks at him with something seeming to approach hope. "See, I'd totally agree, but I just don't think that the costs outweigh the benefits. I mean," He gestures at all of the Chalice. "Look at what you did to poor June. Fixing things isn't really worth getting so old and being in pain. So, gotta say, no." 

Magnus snorts and Merle pats his arm. Good. The more they take that as a joke, the better. 

Now there's only Taako, who's stood up and turned away from the group, his hands wrapped tightly around the Umbra Staff and tapping out a rhythm. It's impossible to get a read on him from this angle, since even his ears are in a neutral position. The longer he goes quiet, the more the nervous energy increases in the room. 

"Here's where I'm at." He says, finally, and turns around with a flourish and a grin. "This is Taako's big take, alright? Hey. You know that thing I felt bad about? You know-" He gestures vaguely, shrugging. "Not super bad, but like, pretty dang bad? Well hold onto your asses and get this: Not my fault! At all." 

He still doesn't look over at Sazed. It'd be so much better if he was paying some attention to him, because at least then Sazed could figure out how much of what the Chalice said was true, if he really knew what actually happened. 

"Why would I want to change anything? This is the best timeline for Taako, baby. No regrets!" He poses triumphantly and the Chalice looks a bit put out. It probably thought that Taako for sure was going to be the one to take it up on its offer. Hell, Sazed thought that too. 

"Well...Okay. I...I have to offer just one more thing to you boys. But after this, I swear, that's it. It'll be all I have to offer to you." It sighs, and then the scene is no longer the Davy Lamp, but Phandalin. 

It's before it was destroyed, which they didn't get to see very much of. A nice little town, nothing really special. It switches to the inside of the bar that Barry Bluejeans was in, where a young halfling woman who is clearly Noelle is huddling with other people. Then it switches away again, and they're standing in front of the slaver's caravan, where Kurtz is. 

"If you, any of you, claimed me, you would be able to save this town. Save the innocent people, save Barry, save Gundran. You wouldn't have this black mark against you." 

There's a beat of silence, and they all glance at each other. 

"I mean." Magnus starts, and scratches at his sideburns uncertainly. "We definitely fucked up here. Buuut Noelle is totally better off now! She's got an awesome robot body, and she's part ghost! Can't imagine a better ending than that."

"Yeah, uh, if I'm not going to change the world for something that's one-half my fault, I'm not gonna change it for something that's, like, one-sixteenth at best." Taako doesn't look very impressed, and Merle nods along with him. 

"Pretty sure if we save Phandalin we won't be allowed to save the rest of the world, which wouldn't really even out." Sazed says, shrugging. It might sound harsh, sure, but it's the truth. And what would the BoB do without all of their Reclaimers? Be defunct, probably. 

The Chalice has a look on its face that isn't quite anger and isn't just sadness. It seems like it really can't believe that not only are none of them taking it up on the offer, but they also aren't really...taking this as seriously as they should be. It's probably a bit of a blow, considering how powerful it is, to know that it's got to give in to a couple of schmucks with a few points higher in morals than average. 

"Well," It says. "I tried. I guess you boys can't be convinced. I'll leave June alone, and let you take me in as you like." 

And then the June-Chalice is gone. But they aren't back just yet. Instead, places and people start to flash in front of them. Calm evenings, personal moments, average workdays. Phandalin scenes. Slowly, there's the roar of fire and fury coming from outside these scenes, and bit by bit, every single part of these warm and comforting visions is consumed entirely by the flames of the Phoenix Gauntlet. And it isn't just watching the fire encompass everything; every little detail of death is shown. It might just be the Chalice playing a particularly cruel trick on them, but it seems like they can feel the unyielding heat of the flames and the unforgettable smell of burning everything. 

It's really not a pleasant sight. There doesn't seem to be anything to say during these moments, and horrified silence is the only proper and correct way to react. But there's another feeling for Sazed alone, one that he is painfully aware of and can't shake off. 

Without having to look directly at him, he can tell that throughout all of this, all of these horrifying visions and guilting, Taako is staring at him with the kind of hatred he hasn't ever seen before. He didn't even know that Taako was capable of that kind of fury and hate, and not just overly performative outrage. 

He very carefully doesn't look anywhere near Taako, much preferring to stare death in the face with Phandalin rather than at the death that likely awaits him soon in the future. 

It's almost a shame, then, when the visions finally end. They're back in the cavern, and the Chalice falls from the now young again June's hands, falling to the floor with a completely harmless clink. There's a moment of calmness, before Roswell just straight up slams an armored fist into Jack's face and rips the sheriff's badge off of him. It would be so much more satisfying if they weren't still on a time limit. 

"It's time to go! We gotta get that worm outta here!" Magnus yells after scooping up the Chalice and shoving it into his bag. Probably for the best, really. If there's anyone that can be truly trusted with it even now it's gonna be Magnus. "And, uh, not kill it maybe? How many nonlethal spells do we even know?" 

It feels good to have something to focus on that needs all of their attention. Taako hasn't done anything yet, but it's the knowing that something terrible is going to happen that makes it so much worse. And there are so many upsetting ways that Taako could kill him without the others even really batting an eye. Maybe he'll be lucky and Taako will want to wait until they're up on the surface and have saved Refuge before trying to enact any revenge on him. 

Honestly, no matter how it happens, he's kind of accepted that he more than deserves it. He didn't really think that the day of Taako finding out would ever happen, but it was entirely possible ever since he joined the Bureau. The most that he can hope for is that Taako will be too angry to draw it out, and it'll be a lot quicker than not at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> subtitle: How to Make Eldritch All Powerful Objects Not Embarrass You: the Sazed Story
> 
> one day we might find out more about sazed, and every bit of this chapter will be rendered moot. such is the life of a small-time character fan!


	12. Leaving with Baggage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sazed has a chat with someone who Gets It, Kind Of?

There’s a good ten minutes where dying is the least of the group’s concerns. It really says something when the relatively good period of time is based around the fate of an entire small town. 

But they make it, and it wasn’t even just by the skin of their teeth. If this was, perhaps, an audio medium, this success would have been heralded by some really upbeat and excited music to show how great their sucess actually was. As it is, the only thing the group as a whole gets is red dust in their mouth and the relief of fresh air on their faces. Even the giant purple worm gets a happy ending, and it’s pretty cute in how it reunites with its babies. 

Sazed is catching his breath, pretty well off considering the horseshit they just went through in the mines. The bubble is still up for some reason, which is frustrating. If they went through all of that without the damn thing coming down then what was even the point? Or...well, then again, Magnus does have that fancy new spear. Maybe it’ll be easier than it seems- 

And because of his distractions with the bubble, he isn’t even remotely prepared for when three magic missiles hit him square in the chest. 

It knocks him on his ass, burning three nearly perfect holes into his shirt. The wind is knocked out of him, and he has to be a bit quick in patting out the small fires that start on his clothes. He looks up from his place on the sand to the completely expected vision of Taako standing there, Umbra Staff outstretched and still sparking on the ends. Magnus, Merle, and Avi are staring at him, mouths agape, but before they can do anything he laughs and rubs at the back of his head like he’s sheepish. 

“Oops! Haha, sorry man, I was aiming for that Red Robed creepazoid. Didn’t mean to hit you.” His voice is lily-sweet, and he laughs a little as he twirls a strand of hair around a finger. 

“Jeeze, Taako, you nearly gave me a heart attack! You must have rolled  _ so badly. _ ” Magnus sounds relieved and slaps him on the shoulder which nearly topples the elf right over. “Oh, Sazed, are you okay?”

“Uh,” He says. He’s not sure if he’s more thrown off by not being brutally murdered by Taako or by the fact that they apparently met the Red Robe again. “I’m...alright. What’s up with the bubble?” Best to immediately pose distractions rather than let them linger on what just happened. 

“Ugh, I know right? I even popped it and everything-” Magnus is cut off by the appearance of a woman’s face on the bubble. It would be really difficult not to immediately recognize her, even for a less-than-holy man like Sazed. Istus is unique among even the extensive pantheon. 

“Hello, boys.” She greets them warmly, and even being a part of the group that’s being addressed by a goddess is overwhelming. “I can tell that you’re confused by the bubble over Refuge not having gone down. You see...The people of Refuge have spent a long time under the bubble. About seven years of time, which means that they all need to catch up to the rest of the world. And- Well, I think you should watch.” 

She disappears, and it’s immediately clear what she was talking about. Refuge looks like it’s on fast-forward, with all the people there seeming to run around without stopping. They’re building something that becomes obvious within only a few seconds; it’s a banner strung up with painted words on it that simply says… “Thanks!” 

It feels wrong, for Sazed. Not even because of what he just went through- If it was just that he’d be feeling pretty good. Like going through painful memories would be worth being able to free an entire town from semi-literal hell. No, it’s more like...the realization, bitter and cruel as it is, that given the chance to change his mind…

He would absolutely take the Chalice. 

\---

It takes about ten minutes for seven years to pass in Refuge. The bubble doesn’t so much pop as it does disappear without a sound. Immediately there is a  _ lot  _ of sound as the citizens of Refuge swarm the group, cheering and chattering and just general noise. They seem delighted if baffled by Avi, and overjoyed to finally be able to enjoy the outside again. It probably also helps that they aren’t trapped in an eternal loop anymore. 

After a bit, the crowd thins out and Sazed realizes that everyone from the BoB has gone off in their own directions. He feels a mixture of relief and distress at being alone. Maybe not literally alone, but there’s not really anyone he can go off and talk to. Ren, maybe, but Taako is probably going to see her and he does not want anything to do with that interaction. June is kind of nice to think about, but considering she probably knows everything the cup showed them, going to talk to her is just asking for trouble. 

Which is how he ends up on the steps of the sheriff’s office, watching people pass by and waiting for the time to leave. Not his first choice but with the summer sun beating down as hard as it is it’s probably his smartest. He’s actually starting to drowse a little when he feels a light tapping on his shoulder. 

“You look like you could use this.” Says Sheriff Issac- Or just Issac now, he guesses. No sheriff’s badge pinned on his shirt, and his clothes aren’t really all that official looking. He’s holding out a tall glass of water and Sazed realizes just how thirsty he actually is. The guy who tried to stop them before suddenly offering him water is a bit suspicious, yeah, but saving the world always makes you a bit thirsty. 

“...Thanks?” He takes the water and tries not to down it immediately. Something about overwhelming yourself by drinking something too cold, too fast that he’s heard before. Could be bullshit, but he doesn’t want to embarrass himself in front of Issac by choking on water of all things. “..Hey, uh. Not to be rude or anything, but I would have figured you’d be in jail.” 

Issac looks at him askew for a moment. It’s not clear if he wants to laugh, or if he wants to make Sazed very, very uncomfortable about what he just said. He seems to settle on not kicking his ass and sits next to him instead, taking out a pack of cigarettes from his front shirt pocket. 

“Yeah, I guess I can’t blame you for thinking that. I was in jail for a while, but the town council decided that actions taken under the influence of dangerous artifacts didn’t...count as much as they would normally.” Jack takes out a cigarette and offers the pack out to Sazed. He thinks about refusing it, but considering he’s probably going to need literal coffin nails before these ones can do anything to him...He takes one and accepts the light. “Plus they let me out for today since it’s such an important day. Can’t say I’m unhappy about gettin’ outta that stuffy cell for a bit.” 

“I’ve heard of worse punishments.” Sazed is trying to be...polite. As genial as Issac seemed in the mines, he was also  _ kind  _ of trigger-happy with the magic. And he’s had enough of getting blasted for today, thanks. “But it’s, uh, nice to see you again I guess? Uh-” 

“Look.” Issac interrupts him, thank god. “I was goin’ lookin’ for you boys and ran into you first. I...suppose I need to apologize to you all. The way I acted down in the mines wasn’t exactly conductive to a functioning conversation. And that was a bit short sighted of me.”

“Uuuhh. I mean…” He flicks the ashes off of his cigarette, trying his best not to seem like he’s too taken aback by this. “You weren’t...entirely wrong? I mean, you were watching us through the loops, and we definitely did do all that shitty stuff you accused us of. Also? Totally understand the wariness, considering I watched Taako almost put on one of the previous, uh, powerful artifacts.” He watches Jack sit up a bit straighter and can’t stop the understanding smile at the dawning realization of what the world could have been put through passes over him. 

“...Ooooh, dear Istus.” Jack puts a hand over his face for a moment. “That ain’t really giving me a lot of confidence in you boys. Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” 

“Haha, what? No, god no. I think…” He pauses and covers it up by drinking more of the water. Definitely not allowed to say that they were all super close to taking the Chalice. Or that Sazed has no real place to say that he’s unaffected by the Relics more often than not. Or...a thousand other things that will not help Issac let them leave with any amount of confidence in them. “We’re...lucky? And I mean, it’s beyond just normal luck, I think. Lady Istus said that we’ll do wonders in the future.” 

Okay, so maybe he doesn’t have the right to say anything about what went on in the church since he wasn’t there. But it seems to have the wanted effect on Issac, who looks thoughtful. 

“That isn’t the craziest thing I’ve ever heard, considerin’ this entire town.” He stands and drops his cigarette, grinding it out into the dirt under his heel. “I think I underestimated you boys, back then. Figured that what with all the underhanded tactics you were using, you’d be no match for that cup. Yet here we are.”

“Well, thanks-”

“But I don’t think I underestimated you too much.” The tone whiplash in Issac’s voice is making Sazed tense up this time. Jeeze. They didn’t get to see much of him as a sheriff, but just this slight glimpse doesn’t leave any question as to why he was a person of authority. “You’re right- You  _ are  _ lucky. And being lucky sure as hell doesn’t mean that you’re decent. In fact I’d be more than willing to bet that you’re all about as bad as me. But if you’re the only ones that can get things like that damned cup outta the hands of people like us, then I s’pose I can’t complain too much.” 

“...Thanks?” Sazed says. Issac tips his hat ( _ jesus _ ) and walks off as if he didn’t just make a vaguely threatening and very ominous statement. Sazed sits there for another minute until the cigarette burns down low enough to brush against his fingertips. It’s kind of a good thing, because it’s enough of a surprise to make him realize that his stone of farspeech has been going off for what’s probably been the last little while. 

He picks up, with some hesitation. 

“Sazed! C’mon, dude, it’s time to go!” Magnus’ voice comes over the stone, as chipper as ever, and he breaths a sigh of relief. Magnus is totally oblivious to any emotions that aren’t super obvious, he won’t notice anything. “Where’ve you been, you totally disappeared.” 

“I ended up at the sheriff’s office because this town is like standing in a fucking volcano. Guess who I ran into?” 

“..Rrrrroswell?” 

“...Uh, no. Issac. He gave me a smoke and a whole rant about us being terrible. I think he was just bored from jail, though.” He says, and it feels good to joke around. Not quite diffusing the pressure bomb that is the whole situation he’s got with Taako, but easing things a little. 

“Ugh, that guy is so full of himself. We didn’t kill anyone for that cup- Uh, not perma death anyhow!” Magnus scoffs. “Whatever, come back to where the cannon is! We weren’t harassed by old men so we got to catch up with the people we actually like.” 

“Ha, right. Be there in a minute.” 

It really does only take a minute to get there, considering how small Refuge is and how close the sheriff’s office is to the edge of town. He sort of wishes that there was a way they could stay longer, but that’s probably just him wanting to avoid being in a small, cramped space in the middle of the sky with Taako. 

Pretty much the moment he gets close enough he’s getting his ear talked off by Magnus and Merle. Not in any way he can discern, mind- they’re having a great time shouting over each other- but the few things he can glean from picked out sentences make him smile. Refuge doing well makes him feel better about, well, all the shit they went through. 

When they’re in the ball home, Taako sits as far as he can physically get from Sazed without actually having to leave the ball. He has a feeling it’s obvious but that no one is willing to talk about it out loud, not after whatever else they were shown by the Chalice. He thinks he’s grateful for this small favor, even if it’s going to go right to hell the second they’re on the Moonbase. Who knows, maybe he’ll be able to hide behind Angus and Taako won’t be able to kill him with the kid in between them. 

Haha, yeah right. Not so long as there are healers on the moon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter brought to you by the foundation of "what the hell happened to issac griffin" of the arts and the fund for "sazed most people dont think about using a child as a meat shield" 
> 
> shoutout to those folks in like, chapter 1 or 2 that figured he'd get hit by magic missiles


	13. A Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sazed tries to have a talk. Taako tries to talk back. They are both incredibly bad at interpersonal communications.

It is a surprise to Sazed that a fight doesn’t break out the moment the cannonball touches back to base. Like, genuinely, he’s shocked that he doesn’t so much as get socked in the face once there’s no danger of falling out of the sky. Taako does take off so fast that he’s half convinced he cast Blink, which leaves the rest of the group back in the hangar. This isn’t the worst way this could’ve gone. He can probably just slip out, spend the night relaxing after all that horseshit and

Oh god Magnus’ hand is on his shoulder. 

“Hey, dude. Can we, uh, talk?” Magnus wants to sound well-meaning, he can tell. But it just doesn’t work with a man who can pick him up and throw him off the moonbase. 

“...I guess? Depends what you want to talk about, I mean it’s been a pretty long day and- Oh. Okay.” He doesn’t really struggle when Magnus starts steering him away from the hangar. Not being thrown over the human’s shoulder counts as a win in his book, so complaining is likely to just embarrass him. 

Magnus takes them out of the hangar and into a slightly more secluded area of the quad. He knows that out of the whole team he should be afraid of Magnus the least, but after you see someone cleave many things in half you start worrying that you could be next. Especially when he looks so serious. 

“So like, I’m gonna keep this short ‘cause this was a shit day and we all need our rest but-” He takes in a deep breath, turns, and puts his hands on Sazed’s shoulders. “What did you do to Taako.” 

It’s a lot blunter than he would have expected from Magnus. Refuge must have really worn him down past the point of politeness. Which...also means Sazed doesn’t have a very long time to come up with a story that isn’t the truth in any way, shape, or form. 

“Uh,” Is what he says instead. Super great, A+. “Is this about him shooting me? That wasn’t about the Red Robe?” 

“Nah, that jerk was like, in the total opposite direction. And c’mon dude, don’t try to sidestep. I’m a dummy and I could tell how pissed Takko was at you.” He bends over just enough so that they’re eye to eye. Sazed hopes that he doesn’t look as nervous as he feels. “I don’t wanna get any details if it’s something really personal, but Taako’s my friend too. So-”

“I-” Sazed pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs. “Look. I...fucked Taako over once or twice back when we were travelling together. Nothing serious, but nothing you’d  _ want  _ to see when you’re being made to relive your worst memories.”

Magnus is quiet for a moment. This is long enough to make Sazed very glad that it was him and not Merle that’s asking all of this. He has never managed to avoid falling under a Zone of Truth even before he met the only dwarf that uses it like a cure-all. 

“...Makes sense. But...Can you promise you’ll talk to him about it? I know he hates talking about his feelings and all, but this seems really important to do! I mean...Taako  _ attacked  _ you. For realsies.” 

“Yeah, I know, Magnus.” Sazed ducks out from under him, finally getting more than tired of being touched in general. Jeeze, he hasn’t had this much concern over him when he was in actual mortal danger. “I’ll try, but it’s not like I can promise anything from Taako’s end. He might just try to throw me off the moonbase.” 

“Aw, jeeze, dude. He’s not that mad, I’m sure! But if he tries tell me, ‘cause I wanna see him try to pick you up.” Magnus grins and claps Sazed on the back, which he cannot avoid despite his best attempts. “Good luck. I’ve got your back!” 

It’s so, so tempting to say something rude but Sazed does not want to be here any longer than he already has been. He gives a nod and hurries off as fast as he can go without seeming suspicious. 

It isn’t the first time that he’s grateful for there not having been enough rooms in the lower apartment. It’s a relief to be able to hide out in his own room, without the worry of being too close physically to Taako to avoid any future attacks. Of course if Taako really wanted to do something, he could. It’s not like his plain old room is exactly buffed against magic attacks or even regular old physically breaking down the doors. 

Sazed collapses onto his bed in the kind of relief only someone who had gone through several worst days in one could experience. He expects to be able to fall asleep instantly, but of course it doesn’t happen that easily. His body might relish the chance to relax but his mind is anything but calm. 

Thinking on it, this isn’t how he’d thought Taako finding out would go. He’d always assumed that it would be very quick and very violent, with one or both of them not quite making it through. Or, Sazed would have left and been half across Faerun when Taako made the discovery. Not...this. Not lying back in a dark room on a secret moonbase wondering if he’s going to wake up falling out of the sky or something. 

Probably not. If Taako hasn’t attacked him yet, that means it’s going to be a lot more subtle. 

He groans and covers his face. Fuck. It doesn’t matter how much he knows he deserves this, he hates the idea that he’s going to be sitting around waiting to be murdered. He doesn’t want to live for however long being a paranoid mess like Taako ended up. 

Magnus’ suggestion comes to mind again. It’s dumb, of course it is. Magnus wouldn’t have suggested it if he’d known the whole picture. Hell, Magnus wouldn’t have even done anything if he’d known the whole picture. Even his charity has its limits. 

...But maybe it isn’t the worst idea? Sazed sits up in his bed as he’s hit by this thought. At first, his instinct is to dismiss it, but…

Maybe there’s something to it. They had been dealing with a Grand Relic, after all. Who’s to say that there wasn’t more of a thrall involved than just pleasant conversation? Well. Obviously Sazed is to say for sure, but he’s the only one who knows for absolute sure. If he was able to convince Taako that whatever he saw wasn’t the truth, that it was the Chalice trying to tempt him by showing him something that would hurt the worst, then maybe he can avert a very painful revenge. 

That’s the first positive idea he’s had all day. And the best part is, it feels like it’ll hold up once he wakes up tomorrow.

It isn’t really enough to lull him to sleep but not a lot would be able to after dying as much as he has. But it’s enough of a distraction to think about how to smooth out his story that he ends up falling asleep in the early morning hours. 

\--

It turns out that he can’t quite bring himself to talk to Taako the day right after Refuge. He can’t even leave his bed with the general aches and pains he has, and after that it’s general nerves and utter terror at actually approaching Taako. He talks a big game but the idea of putting his plan into action isn’t something he’s looking forward to. 

But it’s after the third time avoiding Magnus trying to get an update on whether or not he’s done anything that he decides enough is enough. It’s a couple of days after they’ve gotten back and if he doesn’t do it sooner, he sure as hell isn’t going to do it later. 

Which is why he’s currently making his way down to the bottom apartments. The ride down feels like a walk of shame, except with the spectre of death hanging over him (Though, considering he’s  _ met  _ the spectre of death, that isn’t as negative as it should be). The living room is quiet and Magnus and Merle’s doors’ are both shut- If memory serves Magnus should be out with Carey, and Merle is, uh, doing something. This is either going to work in his favor or there’s going to be a repeat of Goldcliff once they get back. 

Crossing the room to Taako’s door gives him plenty of time to regret coming down here and try to convince himself to leave while he still can. It’s tempting. But he finds himself with his hand on the doorknob before he can come up with any really convincing arguments. He tries to turn it, and is genuinely surprised when it works. Opening the door is a bit more work to make it not squeak, but he gets it open enough to peek inside. 

Taako’s there, of course. Sazed is equal parts disappointed and relieved. 

He’s sitting in front of his huge mirror and is dressed up more than he’s been in months. A wine red dress, easily the fanciest braid style in the world, makeup that somehow manages to toe the line between tasteful and ostentatious- it’s like he’s planning on going on a date or something. Sazed spends a good thirty seconds stalling by wondering who the hell Taako would be going on a date with. 

Then he eases the door open further, and the speed with which Taako whips around to glare at him is almost comedic. 

“Oh,” He says. “It’s you. What do you want?” His words just drip with poison and it’s very tempting to just book it. But he can’t turn his back on Taako, that would be asking for the most embarrassing death ever. 

“Uh. Hey Taako, I was just…” He takes a hesitant step inside and shuts the door behind him. “We should talk, huh?” 

“Ugh, no we absolutely shouldn’t. I got a hot date and you got an expiration date. Get out of my room” He turns back to the mirror, opening a tube of bright red lipstick and applying it. 

“...Who are you even going out with?” He asks, not able to reign in his curiosity. He doubts Taako will answer, but if he  _ starts  _ with some personal probing Taako might be more receptive to talking about Refuge. 

“Kravitz.” Taako says. Judging by the expression on his face, he absolutely didn’t mean to actually answer. He sort of looks like he wants to either throw himself out of the window or melt into the floor. Kind of a tossup for this kind of embarrassment. 

“What the fuck?” Sazed tries not to sound scandalized, and definitely not kind of horrified. But- Holy shit? “What the  _ hell,  _ Taako? He tried to kill you!” 

“Yeah, well, I guess that’s just a pattern for me, huh!” Taako closes the lipstick tube and a small snap has never sounded so threatening. “You wanna talk, Sazed? Alright. Let’s talk.”

Before he can react in any way there’s a Bigby’s Hand grabbing him by the throat and slamming him up against the wall. His head snaps back and he’s a couple inches off the ground. Taako doesn’t seem to have any trouble at all maintaining it, and it’s the first time in a long time that he realizes how much more powerful Taako’s gotten compared to all the time he knew him before the Bureau. The Taako back during Sizzle It Up might have managed to murder him with a couple of well placed magic missiles, but Sazed would have had a fighting chance. This Taako, right here? Could kill him without breaking a sweat. 

“Taako-”

“Nope, nope, shut up. It’s my turn to talk.” The hand around his neck tightens a little and he decides, wisely, to not press his luck. “The only reason you aren’t dead right now is because I haven’t figured out a way to do it that won’t end up with me having to explain all my touchy feely backstory. But you are on my  _ shitlist,  _ Sazed, and there isn’t a damn thing you can-” 

“The Chalice was lying.” 

Taako’s entire expression changes like he’s been slapped. His eyes go wide and he bares his teeth a bit. It’s not quite the reaction Sazed was hoping for, but at least it’s made him stop. For the moment.

“Bullshit.” Taako says. 

“No, it-”

“Bullshit!” And now he’s yelling, and Taako just about never yells. It’s a lot more intimidating than one might think. “The Chalice had no reason to lie to me, if it wasn’t you it would have just shown me who it actually was! It wanted me to use it to get revenge, so why would it have shown me the  _ idiot who stayed around? _ ” He hisses this last part and Sazed grunts in surprise when he’s let go and falls to the floor. "You want to know why I wouldn't have ever taken that offer? It's 'cause why would I bother with dangerous, ridiculous magic when the local jealous backstabber was standing right next to me!" 

“Taako, you’re not listening! It’s not that simple, it’s a fucking Grand Relic for god’s sake! Its entire purpose is to mess with us, it said as much!”  He doesn’t mean to snap, but that’s how it comes out. Taako gives him a disgusted look and turns on his heel. 

“Just get out. If you make me late for my date I will absolutely bring the wrath of the gods down on you.” Taako flicks a hand dismissively and the door creaks open behind him. Sazed thinks about responding for a moment before he stands and hurries out as fast as he can with how winded he is. 

That didn’t really go at all like how he’d wanted it to. He’d hoped for a slightly more gullible Taako or at least one that would listen. He rubs at his neck and wonders what the next step is. Probably to set his room up a bit better, stop being alone as much...It probably won’t do anything in the end, but it’s better than just twiddling his thumbs and waiting for Taako to kill him. Oh, and he can’t forget to tell Magnus that he spoke to Taako. He wants the big guy to stop breathing down his neck about being friends again. 

God, what a mess. He should be counting himself lucky, but honestly all he can count down to is the moment Taako gets too irritated to keep acting nice.

\--

He doesn't get to see it, but Sazed likely would have found some slight comfort in the scene that happens the moment he was out of earshot. Taako seems like he's trying to get back into getting ready for his date, but his mind keeps drifting and his hands refuse to focus on the tasks he demands of them. He sighs irritably and picks up the stone of farspeech that's lying on the table next to him. There's only a pause before he punches in a number he's been looking over for like, days. 

"Heey, Krav." He chirps into the stone, gladder than ever that he's real, real good at faking voices. "Mhm, yeah, I'm gettin' ready right now, it's still on. But I was wonderin'...Can I ask you for a favor? Huh? Oh, no, it's nothing serious, it would just be swell of you to look something up for me..." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, god, this fic has now gone past 100 pages. I'd be a lot more apologetic but none of y'all have complained yet.


	14. The Calm Before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sazed has a couple of conversations before an important mission.

The next few weeks are a mess of intense training and avoiding most interactions. Sazed doesn’t like to think of it as avoidance or “ignoring his problems until they coalesce into a raging dumpster fire”, but more like...taking time to plan. After his last interaction with Taako he’s been spending more time in the library, scouring the books and making notes on anything he thinks might help him not get caught off guard. Most of the actual magic goes right over his head- he’s spent most of this year studying basically chemistry, after all. But there are a lot of books in the library on shields and guarding spells, and plenty that are simple enough that even he’ll be able to catch on quickly. 

He’s finishing up a page of notes when he realizes that Angus has been sitting in front of him patiently for- God only knows how long. The kid must have started taking lessons from Carey, seriously. 

“Hello, Sir.” He says in that voice he uses only in situations in which he wants to be taken as adult as possible. It would be cute if it didn’t mean he was about to do something particularly detective-y. “Can- Can we talk, please? You haven’t been around as much and that means that I haven’t actually gotten a chance to bring all of this up but I feel it’s really very important and um, I know I’m rambling. Sorry.”

“No harm in talking, I guess? You seem pretty stressed, kid. Something the matter?” 

“In...a manner of speaking.” Angus glances around them, as though he’s worried about being overheard. Which makes Sazed pretty damn worried, all things considered. Angus is too smart to discount. “It’s...It’s about Taako. See, after that one conversation where he told me about, um, Sizzle it Up, I…” He starts wringing his hands and looks guilty. “I couldn’t help but to look into it!” 

Oh, shit. Sazed panics momentarily, before realizing that Angus must not have figured it out completely, or he wouldn’t be sitting here. Still, it’s going to be basically impossible to hide the truth from Angus’ entirely too keen mind. In fact his brief panic probably gave the kid a thousand hours of information to scribble down in his dinky little notebook. 

“...That so. I’m gonna guess you found something, else you wouldn’t have bothered to come by, right?” He sets his own notes aside and laces his fingers together, both to look more attentive and avoid fidgeting very hard. It’s a good thing that he’s sitting down, because his tail would be a dead giveaway for something being amiss, from how hard it’s swinging. 

“Yes, sir. That’s exactly right.” Angus adjusts his glasses and looks at Sazed with an intensity a kid his age shouldn’t be able to muster. “I- This is going to sound accusatory, and I’m sorry in advance, but what were you doing the night of the poisoning? Were you there for that show?” 

“Well- Yeah. Of course, I was there every show. Someone had to set up all the food and bowls ahead of time so Taako’s magic would go off well.” He doesn’t see the point of lying about this much. It’s probably Angus’ way of telling what information is good, or something. 

“Hm...Okay...Was there a way to get into the stagecoach at any time that one or both of you weren’t there?” He chews on the back of his pencil, which he often does when he feels like he’s close to a major breakthrough. “And, um, would there have been a reason for neither of you to be there that night?” 

Sazed pauses for as long as he thinks he can get away with it. Maybe...if he’s just convincing enough…

“What are you getting at, here? I mean, I’m no detective, but it sounds like you’re wondering if...anyone else was in the stagecoach? Why?” He leans forward and does his best to look concerned for someone other than himself. 

“That’s exactly it, sir. See- I went to Glamour Springs. There, um, there isn’t much of a town left because of maybe unrelated events? But I did discover through some digging that the people who died, died because of arsenic poisoning. The medical examiner’s reports were very frank about that.” Angus looks up, eyes glinting. “And although nightshade poisoning is highly similar to arsenic, upon studying the crime scene sketches, there weren’t enough garnishes to have killed so many people, and certainly not as fast as the food did!” 

His voice gets a little loud at the end, and he turns red before sinking down in his seat slightly. 

“...Then that means it wasn't Taako’s fault.” Sazed says thoughtfully. “Damn. He's gonna be happy to hear that, even though the culprit must be long gone by now.”

“Oh, um! A-Actually if you could... _ not  _ tell Mr. Taako just yet... “ Angus goes quiet and stares down at his hands. “I know that the Chalice it showed you all a lot of...really awful stuff. Magnus told me.” He says quickly in response to the look on Sazed's face. “But if Taako saw the worst thing too...I don't really wanna upset him by bringing it up so soon after the Chalice! That just seems really awful to do.”

“Oh- Oh, right, of course.” Thank god. That would have been awkward and probably more than a little painful for Angus. As obnoxious as Sazed sometimes finds him, he’s a decent kid and doesn’t deserve that mess. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Good! Thank you.” Angus sits back, but he’s still chewing at his pen so he’s clearly got something else to say. “Um...There is one more thing I want to talk about, actually. See, although I looked into it, it is...kinda tough to figure out a cold case when most of the people who could tell me anything died! So. Do you have any idea who might have done it?” 

Okay, well, this is the kind of question that’s used to weed out the most obvious murderers in children’s storybooks. It’s easy enough not to fuck up badly, here. 

“I’m not sure, but there’s a lot of people who didn’t always like Taako. Comes with the territory of being...Taako, I guess.” Angus’ brows furrow and Sazed hurries to continue. “Like- Anyone could have gone to the apothecary in Glamour Springs and bought arsenic. It’s used to kill pests a lot of the time.” 

“But- But there  _ wasn’t  _ an apothecary in Glamour Springs!”

It’d probably be nice to hear Angus continue talking after that, but it seems like Sazed’s brain shorts out after that one sentence. He didn’t even consider that because of course he’d already had the poison on him when they’d rolled into town. It feels dumb to panic, but he can’t help himself. Aaaand now Angus has stopped talking and is looking at him expectantly. He really should have been listening instead of worrying. 

“Uh...Uh, um.” He tries not to sound immensely suspicious. He fails. “Well, they coulda also gotten it from the wagon. We had some in storage for mice killing and when Taako wanted to experiment with more dangerous transmutation.” 

“I-I see?” Angus says in a way that tells Sazed he just said something that had nothing to do with the conversation at hand. Great. “W...Well, on that note, I should get going! I have a lot of information to compile. It takes a while! I rhymed there, but that was more or less unintentional.” 

With that, Angus hops off his chair and skedaddles out of the library without so much as a wave goodbye, which either means something good or something really, really bad. Probably the latter, if Sazed’s previous luck is anything to go by. He can’t help but to bury his face into his hands and groan. That went about as well as anyone could have expected considering his amazing lack of spoken skills, but he’d still sort of hoped that he could at least not make an ass of himself while also not implicating himself. 

But hey, maybe he’s lucky. Maybe he just weirded Angus out and the kid won’t actually figure it out. Ha. Right. 

\----

It’s a couple of hours later, and he’s looking over his notes and thinking about what will work best, when his stone of far speech goes off. It’s just an alert, but it’s an alert from the Director. She wants him up at her office as soon as possible. That could mean a million things, none of them particularly good, but it isn’t like he can just ignore her like he can anyone else. 

It only takes a few minutes to actually get to her office, but it takes quite a few more to get up the guts to go inside. No one’s around so he’s allowed all the pacing and frowning he can handle before just grabbing the doorhandle and opening the door. He immediately even regrets it, even though he’s been in this office more times than he can count. It’s so much worse when you’re called up here like a kid about to be scolded by their parents.

“Hello? Director? I, uh, you called me up here?” He does his best not to sound too nervous, but that’s difficult when the Director walks into his line of sight and she isn’t smiling. That’s never a good thing. 

Apparently this feeling is written all over his face, because the Director softens up a bit before gesturing at a chair in front of her desk.

“Don’t look so worried, Sazed. Come, sit, we have to talk for a moment.” She sits as well and taps her staff on the ground as he sits himself. Seems to be almost a nervous habit, which would be a lot weirder if he didn’t know the Director was far more emotional than she seemed. 

“Sure, ma’am, but...what’s going on?” He glances around in case the rest of the Reclaimers are sitting around as well, but it’s just the two of them in her office. The horrible thought that Angus had come up and told her of his suspicions hits him and he can feel the blood draining from his face. 

“See, uh, actually that right there is something that I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.” She points at him, and his confusion must show on his face because she sighs. “Sazed, I’ve been informed that you are...unwell. Taako came in the other week to talk to me, and told me that you’ve been doing quite a good job of hiding it. But now that I’m planning to send you boys to Wonderland, I cannot in good conscience send you along.” 

“What?” He says, and then the full meaning of her words hits him. “Wait, what?” 

“I recognize that perhaps you’ll find it unfair that I’m making this decision so suddenly, but as far as I’m concerned if Taako is worried about your health then it’s not something to take lightly.” She stares at him somberly over the rim of her glasses, and he realizes something. If Taako’s told her such a blatant lie...he’s planning something. But also, he’s made it so that he can’t just murder him without there being suspicion placed on him, which means Sazed has some extra time not fearing for his life. 

“...Isn’t Wonderland supposed to be very dangerous, ma’am?” He says, carefully. He doesn’t want to seem too eager to be put off the mission, or the Director will think it’s a trick in a different way than it is.

“Well- Yes. It is. But I don’t think there’s any cleverness to sending someone already sick into a place that will only take complete advantage of that. I will admit, I’m very worried, but I think they can handle themselves, don’t you?” 

No, he doesn’t say. No he doesn’t, and in fact he sort of hopes they fail big time. 

“Yeah, they probably can, ma’am. I...guess I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you earlier, though.” 

“No worries. I can’t blame you- I’d have probably benched you before if I had known.” The Director waves a hand as if dismissing his concerns. “That’s all. I’m glad that you understand where I’m coming from.” 

He just nods, not really trusting himself to keep talking, and stands when it seems like she doesn’t have anything else to tell him. He’s out of there as quickly as he can be without seeming overly suspect. 

This really isn’t what he expected to happen. He’d been preparing himself for all sorts of nasty things to happen on the next mission, so to suddenly be sidelined has thrown him for a loop. But if what the Director says is true, and Wonderland really is as dangerous as she’s made it out to be...Maybe at least Taako, with his shitty constitution, won’t make it out onto the other side. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know, I genuinely considered writing this chapter from angus' perspective, but then I realized it'd just be about him finding out terrible things and getting sad about the truth involving someone he liked and respected. 
> 
> also, folks, this might be the penultimate chapter! i cannot believe how far this monster has spiraled out of control, honestly


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter contains graphic descriptions of violence and death

The mission to Wonderland was supposed to take a day or two tops, with constant communications between the BoB headquarters and the Reclaimer’s group. The Director herself spent time at the main mission hub, in order to help give personal direction. And, to top it all off, the Regulators had been instructed to stand by in case there was an emergency. 

Of course, nothing worked out like the Director had intended it. 

Besides having complete radio silence from the Reclaimers, the Regulators were called away multiple times to break up trouble some of the employed Seers were causing, and even the Director was eventually directed away from her post to get some half decent sleep. 

Sazed doesn’t see most of this first hand, but news travels fast in a secret organization on a fake second moon. It sounds a lot like some carefully controlled chaos is going on around outside, and he wants no part of it. 

He’s spent most of the time since the Reclaimers left in his room. The information he’d gathered in the library had enough proper forms and pictures that recreating them was easy, and the rest of the work was just stealing some base ingredients from the kitchen. It turns out that anti-magical barrier wards are a lot easier to make than he ever would have guessed. 

The plan is...well, he would like to think that it’s simple, but if his time in this job has taught him anything it’s that it’s going to get very convoluted, very quickly. But, if all goes well, when Taako comes to enact vengeance on him, he’s going to be put at one hell of a disadvantage by being very suddenly without magic. And if Sazed is  _ extra  _ lucky Taako will be so fucked up from Wonderland that he won’t be able to put up much of a fight in the first place. 

He steps out of his room pretty much the moment he finishes the wards, because when you spend a couple of days straight stuck in your room doing complex spells, you get a little musty and sore. The second he does, however, he’s collided into by Carey. 

“They’re back! We just got the call from Avi! C’mon!” She says, before he can even ask, and takes off down the hallway again with impressive speed. It takes a few moments for him to register what her words mean before he’s following. It would be weird not to be curious about what shape the Boys are in after such long of silence. 

There’s a bit of a crowd on the way, but when you’re following behind a determined and anxious Dragonborn crowds tend to part like magic. They make it to the docking bay just as Avi reels the incoming ship into the Bureau. 

The men who walk out of the ship are different from the ones who left. 

Merle looks like hell and after a quick glance over his person his missing eye is immediately obvious. He has a sort of world-weariness to him that he didn’t have before, and a dark look about him that can’t just be explained by a rough fight or two. 

And Taako...there’s something off about him, besides being beat to shit and looking like he’ll fall over with a stiff breeze. Sazed can’t quite put his finger on it, though. It’s like something fundamental has changed about Taako, something that couldn’t be put down in words. 

And Magnus- Well, actually, Magnus is nowhere to be seen. There’s just a strange and pretty offputting mannequin standing behind the other two. It’s wearing some fancy armor and honestly creeping him out pretty hard with its complete lack of facial features. 

He turns away from studying it and further freaking himself out just in time to hear the part of the conversation where Taako and Merle both confirm that Magnus is dead. 

It’s a blow to him in all sorts of aways. Magnus is- was, good lord- the tank of the party. It isn’t like he should be falling often if at all, and considering the wild shit they’ve been through before Sazed has a difficult time imagining what could have brought Magnus down. Taako and Merle sure aren’t being specific about anything, which would be suspicious in any other circumstance. But they both look so exhausted and drained that their flippancy comes across more as a desperate bid to ignore what’s happened. 

Sazed turns to leave, but before he can quietly slip away he meets Taako’s eyes by accident in the sort of way that in another genre might be romantic. Instead, it feels more like a particularly ominous promise, wrapped up in the glare that only Taako can give. 

Sazed doesn’t tend to scurry, but there’s really no other description for the speed with which he goes back to the relative safety of his room.

He feels sort of pathetic having to hide like this, but as far as he can see there’s no other choice. Whatever happened in Wonderland had the effect of pissing Taako off more than before, in a way that set his jaw and made him stand up straighter. Sazed is one hundred percent certain that Taako is determined to get  _ something  _ done today, and that is probably going to be revenge-based. 

He’s only just allowed himself to relax an inch before there’s a knock at his door. It makes him tense up like nothing else, but when there’s no attempt to break down the door he takes a moment to collect himself. 

“Door’s open.” He says, and is proud of the way his voice barely shakes at all. 

His door opens and Taako steps into the room. He still looks like hell, but slightly less than when he first walked out of the orb.

“Hey,” He says. “So you and I pro’lly need to talk, right?” He sounds very casual for someone who not even that long ago was threatening to murder him. It has the probably intended effect of making Sazed tense the hell up. 

“...Do we? I think you made your intentions pretty clear last time we did.” His eyes flick around the room, taking note of the wards. Some are glowing, which he hopes to god means they’re doing their job. 

“Oh you, so dramatic. Look.” Taako shuts the door behind him and waves his hand. “You cannot believe the sort of shit I just went through. Like, even ignoring what happened with Maggie, it was  _ some shit. _ And I figure hey, so long as I’m on the train to fuckville, I might as well cap off this spectacularly shitty week with you.” 

“You’re too kind.” He says, before he can stop himself. But shit, if he’s about to face down Taako here and now, he might as well allow himself some snark. “What, you expect me to believe that you’re just completely chill with everything that’s happened between us, now? Nothing could have happened in Wonderland that would make you do that dramatic of a heel turn, Taako.” 

Taako considers him for a moment, looking almost visibly disappointed. He probably had a whole dumb speech and dramatic reaction to it all, that’s just the sort of thing he tends to do. 

“You’re right.” He says, and raises his Umbra Staff towards Sazed. 

His eyes go wide when the tip of his umbrella only gives off a few pathetic sparks instead of the gigantic fireball he no doubt had in mind. He glances around, looking nervous, before leaning forward on his umbrella with a lopsided, panicked grin. 

“Eeey….no chance we can just…..talk, is there, babe?” He says. Sazed just smiles at him, and then lunges. 

Taako is incredibly small widthwise compared to Sazed, and it’s a fact that’s always been sort of humorous to him before. He could pick the elf up with one hand if he really needed to, even if that would end in getting his ass blasted with a spell or two. So when he hits Taako in a tackle they both land on the floor hard, but Taako is definitely worse for wear already. 

He doesn’t have a plan for this beyond stopping Taako from immediately killing him. In the back of his mind he certainly thinks that no one could possibly get mad at him for killing Taako like this, because it would be more self defense than before, but considering how well-liked Taako is and Magnus’ recent death he doubts that would go over well. 

“I cannot believe you’re fucking even this, my personal revenge, up! God, what is your problem, do you just enjoy making my life a total mess or something?” Taako wheezes this, because the wind was not so much knocked out of him as it was forcefully smacked. But of course he can still manage to be...well, Taako. 

“You’re the one who came in here! This is just self defense, don’t get all high and mighty over it.” He sneers, unable to quite stop himself from having a particularly nasty look on his face. “You shouldn’t be a jackass right now, Taako. You look like you could be killed by a particularly strong wind, let alone a large man with the upper hand.” 

“Psh, that’s what you think bubale. Taako Taaco always has the upper hand.” 

Taako moves, so fast that Sazed isn’t able to do anything to stop him, and then there is a sharp, bright pain blooming in the center of his chest. He looks down, and his mind slwoly catches up to the reality of a sword sticking out of him. It’s Taako’s short sword, which is still practically glittering from how little it’s ever been used. 

“What-” Is all Sazed manages before he stumbles backwards off of Taako. He doesn’t manage to get up, of course, still in some shock over the blood seeping through his clothes and the telltale sign of something pretty important having been stabbed. That sign being alarming amounts of pain.

“So, hey, I asked Krav the other day about Glamour Springs. I said, “Babe, under cause of death do you got the person who cause the death?”. And y’know, it’s  _ fascinating  _ how fast he told me it was you.” Taako advances on him, and his hand is clearly not shaking out of fear. “And then, hey, World’s Greatest Boy Detective comes running up to me the other day-”

“Taako-” 

“And tells me that he cracked the case! It was you that poisoned all those people, not me. Hoo boy, you shoulda seen how upset he was, which, fuck you very much for making Ango upset.” He’s right in front of him now, and adjusts his grip on the sword handle. “So that? That first one? That was for the people of Glamour Springs you killed like it was  _ nothing _ .” 

And then before Sazed can properly react, Taako drives the sword down again, this time in all the fleshy bits of Sazed’s torso that start to bleed at an alarmingly quick rate. 

“And that? That’s for me, you insufferable motherfucker. Have fun bleeding out.” Taako stands up, cleaning up all the blood splatters off of himself with a quick presditigitation and sheathing his sword. Sazed would like to comment or argue, but wherever Taako stabbed is bleeding fast enough that he’s pretty sure he’s already in shock. Possibly a lung, considering how difficult he’s finding it to breathe right now. Or maybe that’s just death. His only experiences with it have been violent and sudden, so this slow bleeding out isn’t exactly what he would call normal. 

Taako watches him for a moment or two, but turns suddenly towards the door and hurries out. Which makes sense, as far as Sazed can make sense of anything right now. Taako may be good at killing, but watching someone die slowly choking on thier own blood isn’t really his style, even if it’s for revenge. 

So, he’s dying. Dying sucks, but only for as long as it takes to actually die. When you’ve met the grim reaper and thousands of ghosts shaped into a skeleton monster, the time after death seems a lot less inherently frightening. So when everything goes black and Sazed breathes his last, it’s almost something that could be called a comfort. 

But then it isn’t, because he’s still a ghost. As far as he knows the whole Reaper thing is basically instantaneous, but there’s pretty much nothing. And there’s even less bright white light leading him to the Astral Plane. This seems...particularly incorrect, to him. Sure, there are ghosts around Faerun, but those are trapped in houses or dungeons because of magic, not because of normal issues. 

The answer comes within...well, it feels like an eternity, but really it’s more like a couple of hours. Because when the Story and Song hits, it hits everywhere and everyone, even confused ghosts. It explains a lot. It explains a lot about Taako, and all his weirdness, and the conflicting remarks and actions he’s taken. And while it’s very little comfort to someone who’s already dead and unable to do much but watch the world get fucked over, it’s nice to know that he was murdered by someone who could not do worse to him at the time. 

And by the time everything is over and the way to the Astral Plane is opened again, Sazed has had enough time to think that his only regret is really that he couldn’t stay alive long enough to make up for what he did. Which, when faced with having screwed over an interdimensional hero, he absolutely would have. It would have been the first right thing he’d ever done in his ridiculous, criminal life. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy SHIT im actually done with this monstrosity of a fic! I know I've said it a lot, but thank you all so much for indulging me on this wild ride of a deeply, deeply self indulgent fic. Honestly, I wanted to finish it before the finale happened, but I'm kind of glad I didn't because Sazed got a shoutout and, like, amazing? 
> 
> Anyways, thank you all so so so much again, I don't think I'll ever stop being blown away by the fact that folks were so into this silly story!


End file.
